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I wish I could quit you

Ok, I am willing to be the first to admit that I have been a lazy shit for a few months.

I haven’t written a post for quite awhile.

But can you really blame me?
I mean, I started the blog coming up on 7 years ago this June and have written almost 700 posts and close to three quarters of a million words on a blog that I can’t honestly prove anyone actually reads.

I mean, masturbation at least gets you a money shot, but this form of literary/intellectual fapping denies me even a foul smelling crunchy sock.

So why am I here today?

Iz is why I am tapping away here.

Iz is the poster child for whats wrong with this country/generation/the kids today.

She is worthless even for a millenial.

She is on her phone at a Starbucks. (What else would she be doing?)

Her entire manner of speaking is that of someone terminally bored.

All sentences begin with a sigh.

And she cleaves to the latest trend among the young and worthless.

She has her phone on speaker, you know, so the rest of us can enjoy her conversation too.

“Sigh, I was going to go to work today, but I so can’t right now.” (Can’t what? Take responsibility for yourself and earn a paycheck?)

On the phone is someone equally worthless.

“Sigh, I know, right? I went for my morning vape break and didn’t go back.” (This is normally how adults get fired, but I am willing to bet money that her company gives days off if you “So can’t right now”.)

More from the mouth of Iz.

“I feel like they take whole thing too far, its no fun.” (Awww, poor fucking baby!)

Time to get involved. (I recently realized that I am too old to care anymore. If she is going to include me in the conversation, I get to speak.)
“Why don’t you just quit whining and go to work?”

The look on Iz’s face is a mix of surprize slap out of nowhere and unexpectedly shitting yourself in church.

Then she decides to be angry. A child’s scowl darkens her spoiled little face.

“Excuse me?” (Whoever her half-tarded friend on the phone is, she is bewildered and saying “What?” over and over.)

“I said, why don’t you just quit whining and go to work?” (I keep my voice nice and even. This whole situation can turn on me in a heartbeat and I know it.)

Pause.

“Oh. My. God.” (It never occurs to this ditz to take her phone off of speaker, that would be the normal reaction of a self aware person.)

“This guy is yelling at me.” (To a millenials, anyone who disagrees or chastises you is yelling.)

She left, but I was so disappointed.

I had been hoping for at least some shitty comments.

Not an OLD guy, not some FAT guy (Lost a bunch, but still have more to go), and not even this guy is an ASSHOLE.

I am weeping even more for the future than I normally do.

Let me be clear.

I was not looking for her to leap across the table and try to prison-shank me, but anything but passivity would have been nice.

I have thought a lot of things about the generation in question before, most of them not nice.

But I never thought of them as pussies.

And that is just sad.

I would feel worse, but I got a Sumatran pour over today and the last sip made me cum a little bit.

Mmmmm coffee.

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Posted by on May 4, 2018 in Uncategorized

 

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Because you need your ass whipped.

I have always had an unnatural relationship with the time clock anywhere I have worked.

I took a moment recently to look back over my work history.

Despite having been born in the US, my approach to work has always been that of a starving immigrant.

I missed work the day I was born.

My father came by my hospital crib and told me to quit crying, there are no free rides.

Shortly thereafter, I had my first job, sweeping up at the hospital.

At multiple times in my life, I have found myself with several jobs, like some sort of albino Jamaican.

The family businesses were automobile repair and food service. So I was grubby but well fed.

It was better than our next door neighbor was in textiles so his children worked in the mill.

Their lack of hands due to mill accidents made them poor playmates.

I was never really allowed to play with children that were not gainfully employed.

I grew up in a time where child labor laws were much more relaxed and kids were allowed the privilege of bringing home a decent paycheck.

I have filled out a W4 with a crayon.

I have only been on unemployment 2 times in my life and it was embarrassing, both times. (No joke there, sadly.)

My kids have great work ethics, something that I am wholly proud of.

You may be wondering what has me waxing poetic about the workplace.

Because I saw someone fired today.

Fired for not showing up for work.

Usually that sort of thing is nipped in the bud fairly quickly.

However, when the person is hired to answer the phones at 4am when no one else is there, it takes awhile.

The thing I keep coming back to is the not showing up for work.

Its like deciding not to breathe anymore.

They are lucky they were not raised by my father.

I don’t care what age you are, man or woman, you get fired for not showing up for work in my family, you are getting your ass beat.

And you would have it coming.

Its getting to the point that if you have a strong work ethic, its so rare that its like you know magic.

In a certain sense, I guess my issue with them being fired is that I am incapable of understanding it.

At its core, the decision was made not to bring in an income.

Which hurts the family.

This is where the entire problem is.

It is tattooed into my DNA that above all, you don’t hurt the family.

I hope they learned their lesson in being fired.

Or any lesson, really.

Nobody seems to learn any lessons these days.

When I was a kid, there were a lot of lessons I learned.

All of them had the same moral to the story.

Don’t hurt the family.

Because family is everything.

Thus endith the lesson.

 

 
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Posted by on March 4, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Time to get up in the morning.

Change is a part of life.

It really is the only thing that is constant.

And the irony of that statement bites.

I am not a morning person by choice or nature.

There is something about getting up before your mind wants to that makes it difficult to wipe properly, which can lead the lazy to developing unintended swamp ass.

However, I am a morning person by profession, it seems. (And yes, I wipe.)

Getting up at 5am is never easy.

Its a lot like the idea of shaving your tongue.

You would never do it, it sounds ridiculously painful and dangerous.

There are a few mornings that you feel like it might be necessary.

There is a fine line between being functional and being awake.

I can usually straddle the fine line between.

But it ain’t easy.

A stop for morning coffee is always welcome, but the early morning rush at Starbucks is an interesting one.

There is a line of people waiting to get into Starbucks when they open.

Nobody talks as they wait for the door to unlock, they just scuff their shoes on the ground and stare into their phones.

Its a little eerie.

The only speaking I witnessed was a woman having a short, angry conversation on her phone.

I clearly heard the words “Screw you” before she hung up.

As the door opens, everyone shuffles in lined up in some sort of unspoken, pre-agreed upon order.

The cashier, normally talkative, is oddly quiet.

Kind of like she knows that is not part of the job at this hour.

Nobody tips, that part I noticed as well.

And then, I figured it out.

Civility and all of the other social niceties that we have learned throughout our lives are still asleep.

Give it an hour and take a look at the same scenario.

You will hear pleasantries and civil dialogue.

People will look each other in the eye, rather than down at their feet.

But not now, its too goddam early.

I notice that cell phone usage is at a minimum.

Even that empty headed time eater needs a few more brain cells to operate.

The cell phone companies would cancel mornings if they could, it seems counter productive to maximum cell usage.

The only people up right now are naturally occurring morning people, environmentally induced morning people and parents of small children.

That last one being noisier than the rest.

Me? I am the second, my kids are grown, thankfully, otherwise, work or not, I would be up, missing one of the few benefits of rising early.

There is a certain vile beauty to the world at this hour.

Its quiet and serene and seems a little cleaner than during the rest of the day.

Not that anyone gives a shit, they’re still asleep.

 
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Posted by on May 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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