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Life, you giggling bitch!

There is a certain amount of fear and loathing to waiting for an employment offer.

It reduces everyone to little kids.

Its a lot like waiting to find out if Santa Claus is real, with that voice in the back of your head telling you he’s not.

And the sad part is, this is a done deal.

I rocked the interview, they have a niche that I will more than fit, in fact be a serious heavy hitter in the position.

But there is that irrational fear of the unknown that I have mentioned in the past.

Plus, my ankle is still sprained.

All of this leads to the mental/emotional death spiral that really makes me hard to be around.

Its not depression, this goes down a different road, a pretty narrow one that doesn’t have a sizable shoulder to park on when you break down, so when/if you do break down, traffic backs up behind you.

Pathetic.

So, here I sit, a hardcore unemployable cripple, spewing out sarcastic dribble for the masses, or at least, the few dozen poor souls that seem to find it amusing.

Kind of like the court fool.

However, a good friend just reminded me of a memory in the past.

Basic training in the Army exists for a specific reason.

To break you down physically and rebuild you into a useful soldier, sure, that is the obvious one.

The second part, and really the most important one, is the that you find your psyche cleansed, all of the chafe and impurities are stripped away.

Or you break.

If you break, you are sent home, they have no use for you.

But if you don’t, you come to an understanding of exactly what you are capable of, and how much of a beating you can take.

Pushes your envelop, if you will.

It is impossible to head down the middle of the road if you have never touched the other side of the street, gives you a sense of how wide your particular road is.

So, with that fresh perspective, the true scope of my whining comes into focus.

My ankle will heal, I have been hurt worse than this and come out of it stronger.

Thats just the physical side.

Job? Piece of cake, I am a worker, and another job is ALWAYS just around the corner.

In other words, I am bullet-proof, once again.

Like water off a duck’s back, in the most shallow of ways, I am back in the center of the road.

Leaning to the far side, as always.

 

Life has decided to mess up that killer ending line above.

I got a new job, starting tomorrow.

Life has a hell of a sense of humor.

Or it just hates this blog.

(Judging by the hate emails I get, its not alone.)

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Posted by on May 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Recipe for pathetic.

There is a distance of separation between being injured and being healthy when it comes to enjoying life.

I am currently swimming around in the injured section of the pool.

I am also unemployed.

Unemployed and injured has a tensing pucker factor of 8.5 to the casual observer.

But it feels worse.

Mainly because one of my tension release methods is judo.

I have been doing it more than a year, so I am still a beginner.

But, with a pretty decently sprained ankle, I can’t even do that.

And I am still unemployed.

Being unemployed is like there being a continual fart in the room.

You can’t ignore it, and, although you try your best to put the stench in the back of your head, it never completely goes away.

The unemployment issue looks like it will be solved shortly.

I am not afraid that I won’t find another job.

I have been working since I was 10 years old, and I was looking for a job when I found my last one.

Its my irrational fear of the unknown that is the issue.

Fear of the unknown takes the absolute certainty I have that I will find a new job soon and convinces me that I will be a homeless crackhead inside of 6 months, performing sex act in alleys to get my next fix.

It lies to me, it says things only an adult child would understand, it convinces me that my sprain is actually a hideous break and I will never actually fight in a Judo tournament. (This is one of my goals. Went to a tournament today and practically shit myself with excitement. I HAVE to do this.)

So, I have to land a job soon, before I go stir crazy, and then I need to resist the urge to push my ankle to go back to Judo before it is healed.

And I have never been good at waiting.

On the other hand, I am seriously becoming a badass superhero on the online game I am playing during my off moments, of which I have a whole lot of right now.

The fun of playing even the best, most addictive MMO online is balanced out by the voice of responsibility in the back of my head, continually telling me what a waste of time it is.

I realize how pathetic this whole whiny rant sounds, believe me, it bugs me too.

I am a lot better when I am working.

I come from solid immigrant stock, my whole psyche flows better when I am working regularly.

And all of this will solve itself in time.

But waiting sucks, it really does.

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Why don’t you just shoot me?

Life can be tough, wear a cup.

Every now and then, life decides to sucker punch me in the nuts.

Crude imagery, but I think it fits.

I got laid off.

Let me correct that, I got laid off from a job I had for 90 days and my entire staff was fired.

Staff of only 2, but still.

Out of the blue.

I have been employed since I was 10 years old, I have always had a job, its my thing.

We are Irish immigrants, its kind of a cultural thing. Unemployment is not only frowned upon, its just not allowed.

I have never been dead weight.

So, the job hunt begins.

Blogging pays shit, so I need a new corporate management job.

Fortunately, I interview well, so I am not that worried about that step of the process.

Its the uncertainty that hits me, along with the break in routine.

I don’t have someplace to be tomorrow and that is disconcerting on several levels.

The one thing you never want to do is to admit to yourself that you are scared shitless.

That just leads to bad things.

Liquid breakfasts with high alcohol content is the first one that comes to mind.

Whenever I am between jobs, I do not touch alcohol, not that I have a problem, but to make sure I never develop one.

Plus, I tend to be a mean drunk.

That is barely tolerable when you are drinking too, but not at 7am.

Tends to wear on the nerves.

Besides, the only drug I allow myself, working or not, is caffeine.

And thats not going anywhere soon.

I just got a job offer to ruin peoples days as a telemarketer.

For the record, they saw my resume and called, I did NOT pursue them.

Not that theres anything wrong with that.

Hard core, pure commission sales has an element of “Ass in the wind” that I was never totally comfortable with.

Its one of the reasons that I first went into management and training in the first place.

I began identifying the perfect job opportunity for me, just so I’ll know it when I see it.

Here is what I came up with.

Councilor at a nymphomaniac summer camp for girls.

I don’t have the schooling for that.

Ok, so that was Dave Atell’s joke, but it was the perfect setting for it.

Here is the long and the short of what we are ALL looking for.

Someplace that doesn’t suck, that you kind of look forward to going to, pays you enough that you don’t question being there, and that you don’t have to ride a bullet train for 6 hours to get to. (Kudos to the Japanese, I couldn’t do it.)

So, I put out a lot of resumes yesterday, and I am going to put out a lot more today.

Hopefully, I will find a new home sometime soon, doing something I enjoy.

And if I’m lucky, it will not suck.

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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