Court is a lot like the classical version of hell.
Horrible and boring.
I stand accused, M’lord. Guilty as charged. Mercy, M’lord, mercy.
Here is my vile crime.
I drove 2 blocks without my seatbelt on.
Chain my ass up and send me to Russia.
The truly unfortunate part of all this is that an officer of the law happened to be pulling up to a stop sign just as I turned onto my street.
Bad enough to get the ticket, but add to it my total inability to pay the damn thing on time and you have a recipe for creating my own misery.
When the ticket goes beyond 30 days, the fine doubles.
When it goes beyond 120 days?
It would be more merciful if they just held me down and beat me to death.
As it is they added a civil penalty of 10x the original fine.
Land of the free, home of the brave.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, purple mountains majesty. Now pay your fucking fine and shut your mouth.
I found out years ago that if you show up, plead guilty and act polite they will reduce it back to the original fine amount.
So here I am.
Exiting the parking garage, I am treated to a wonderful site.
About 150 people in line, waiting to get in.
The line is moving briskly as we are shuttled thru the metal detector, manned by armed men.
There are about 50 people left between me and my own trip thru the metal detector when the excitement begins.
It seems a guy has been stopped at the metal detector because he forgot he had a piece of metal on him.
The metal in this case appears to be a Saturday Night Special.
A .25 calibre piece of shit that just earned him a trip to jail.
The legally armed men at the metal detector do not seem to be accepting his excuse of “Man, I forgot I had that shit on me!” and are jacking a brother up off to the side, while another legally armed man puts the gun in a baggy.
The level of stupid here is pretty impressive.
Hard to beat.
Me and the 50 people in front of me all saw this little production of “Our town- Thug life edition”.
Think of it as a cautionary tale for our times.
Don’t be that stupid, people.
So, when the guy two people in front of me got stopped at the detector for a pocket knife with a 5 inch blade, I am sure we were all a little shocked.
No more felonies are committed and I manage to get inside on time to make it to my assigned court room.
And there on the door of the courtroom, is my entire reason for being a consistent asshole to the universe.
“All cases for Division 1 will be rescheduled. Court is closed due to illness.”
Karma, you giggling bitch.