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Tag Archives: sarcasm

The naive 1% who care, but not really.

Stop trying to guilt me into doing something that will do ABSOLUTELY nothing to help someone else.

“99% of you will not share this…” This beautiful little slice of massive guilt is always contained somewhere within the message on Facebook, shared by some soft-headed prole who’s lemming-like instincts FORCED them to stab the “Share” button.

And the message is always some over the top, hideous tale that would make both Sarah McLachlan  and the dogs cry their eyes out.

The bulk of the message is some syrupy wretched tale of woe that is the stuff of nightmares.

But, half or three quarters of the way thru the poorly worded message is a guilt trip that would put a jewish mother to shame.

And, the demand is always the same.

“Please share this and get the word out. I know that 99% of you don’t have the heart, while the 1% who will actually care.”

Translation? “YOU ROTTEN GUILT FUCK!”

Now, and this really is the interesting part, clicking like or share does absolutely nothing for the particular wretch involved.

Even just spreading awareness it still does nothing in terms of forming a response.

It reminds me of the social media campaign to fight human trafficking.

It took picture of celebrities holding a sign that says “Real men don’t buy girls.” And put them on Facebook with the guilt-share demand.

Are we talking about hookers or slaves?

30 seconds of Google research later, it turns out that its both.

Children forced into prostitution and/or forced into porn or old school slavery, presumably out of the country.

An ugly business, but one that has only one certainty.

And that is, clicking “Share” will not help anyone. At all. Seriously. No fucking around here. Really. Like head-out-of-your-ass really.

And the use of Sean Penn as a deterrent is a little iffy at best.

I seem to remember an early interview with him in which he admitted to visiting prostitutes.

His sign should have read, “Real men don’t buy girls, ANYMORE.”

I am probably going to get sued for that one.

I am fine with that, he can have half of a penniless blog as a settlement.

I have been taking Muay Thai and Judo to prepare for his attacking me on the street.

I figure if he is willing to swing at photographers that get too close, he would be more than willing to beat me like a rented mule for outright slander.

Rumor has it that Madonna got into kickboxing shortly after the divorce.

But, that is the problem with the empty headed idiocy of social media.

People can get the emotional quick fix of thinking they are involved and doing something, all the while not doing a damn thing that will actually help.

Like the sex trafficking issue.

The people, mainly men, who engage in that industry, from John’s buying quick time in a gas station bathroom, to the serious slave traders, could care less than a shit about what you think of them.
The people who sell other people understand money and guns and that is pretty much it.

A pimp is never a timid person, easily swayed by public opinion and the slave traders are down right brutal.

The bottom line is, if you want to get involved, get off your ass.

If not, quit making an ass out of yourself by pretending you are.

Some of us are sick of this shit.

 
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Posted by on August 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Occupy some soap, hippie.

We all have a little masochist in us.

It all depends on what your particular choice of whip is.

I currently have a thing going with an odd combination of Judo and popcorn.

Long story, one beats you up from the outside, the other from deep inside your bowels.

But this isn’t about me.

This is the story of Icarus and Beyonce.

You may ask why I chose those names.

Because I have been sitting next to them for the last half hour and I can think of no better names for them.

Icarus is a suffering artist.

However, lets adjust our definitions of suffering, shall we?

The iPhone 5S on the table in front of him is in a case that I know for a fact costs about $200.

Sitting next to them is a keyring with a Mercedes smart key.

And he is whining like a bitch in heat non-stop about how his parents don’t take him seriously.

He appears to be in his late 20’s.

You figure if they aren’t going to take him serious by now, give it up, they aren’t going to.

Like a set of fake wings, this no real ambition, no talent, overly entitled little shit is expecting to fuck around for his whole life, then magically wake up some morning and the world will prostrate itself at his feet in recognition of…what? (Ok, so the Icarus imagery is pretty weak, but it remains a solid shitty nickname, I hate him already.)

Good question, lets get back to that later.

And then theres Beyonce.

She has ridiculously high maintenance bitch written all over her.

And, judging by her self-absorbed ramblings the entire time Ikarus has been going thru his period, it hasn’t pulled her away from her true vocation, worshiping herself.

She may even be more talented than the real Beyonce, the original no-talent golden calf the media has been shoving down our throats ever since she fired the girls in Destiny’s Child for not being named Beyonce.

Wow. Even I am impressed by the pissy angst in that little sentence.

Icarus is beginning to rub off on me.

I need to get out of here before Beyonce rubs off on me.

Add her diva attitude to my mouth and someone would kill me inside of an hour.

I am enough of an ass, I don’t need the help.

Back to the kids.

I am beginning to see a theme to the bitching.

As near as I can figure, it has something to do with corporations keeping him from getting a gallery show for his art.

Occupy Starbucks.

Christ, not this shit again, like this couple wasn’t worthless enough.

As you may be able to tell if you’ve been paying attention, I don’t view the Occupy movement with any sort of respect.

Mainly because I don’t respect that “unwashed welfare takes a holiday”.

But that is a story for another time.

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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If you can’t say anything nice, blog about it.

I have written and deleted 4 different takes on the same subject and I can’t seem to finish the piece without it being the type of thing that would burn a lot of bridges.

Not just burn them, but nuke them, salt the earth, and leave it irradiated for eons.

Divorce, relationships, work, family, blogging…etc.

And some of these bridges I still need access to.

So, rather than let it go and forget about it, (Something I NEVER do.) I will just backburner the subject until I can do it without the “Scorched earth” result, or situations change and I no longer give a shit about the outcome. (And that is a dangerous frame of mind.)

So here is something different.

5 different reactions for the same thing.

The last blog post stirred up some “Stuff” for lack of a better word with a lot of you.

Since the preferred method of whining and bitching at me seems to be the anonymous email (You cowardly pieces of shit), I will address those first.

Response #1: First off, its ridiculous to declare yourself an “Ardent feminist” and claim you read the blog regularly. Either you are lying thru your teeth, mainly because no Feminist, ardent or not, would read this misogynistic swill without putting a hit out on me. Which means you are a wannabe ardent feminist. That is pathetic. Its like wanting to be known as the snappiest dresser in special ed. Bite me.

Response #2: You said in your email “While I am not a teacher” blah blah frickin blah. Therefore, you are not qualified to tell me what tense I am using, correct or otherwise. This is sadder than the wannabe ardent feminist issue. Your email was fairly grammatically correct and was as boring as cat shit on the sidewalk. Bite me.

Response #3: I am aware of the fact that Jesus loves me. However, if you are under the impression that the Almighty has an issue with this post or any previous posts, you are sadly mistaken. The Almighty not only gets me, he thinks I am a hysterical genius. One of his finer creations. (My mother said so.)

Response #4 Asking me to post something about your favorite charity tells me that you have so little respect for not just me, but anyone you send that poorly written email to, that you haven’t even taken the time to read the blog. If it doesn’t fit the subject matter or flavor of the blog, it will have the opposite effect of driving people away from your charity. Just showing it to people does not magically fix it. I was a salesman long enough to know that, with the proper presentation, you can sell anything to people. Especially ideas.

Response #5 My mother is right and I am deeply ashamed and sorry for scribbling this rubbish. Love you, mommy.

As time goes on, I have come to really enjoy and even look forward to the anonymous emails. Even if you are a pack of whiny pussies.

Let me leave you with this oft-time repeated reply to criticism.

Bite me.

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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