There is a time and a place to lose your shit in a bad relationship.
But early morning at Starbucks is not the place.
Let me introduce Rudy and Tam.
Do we all remember the story of Romeo and Juliet?
The star-crossed lovers that had a love so strong that the apparent lack made life not worth living?
Yeah, this has nothing to do with them.
Rudy and Tam have a different story.
Depending on how you view this, they are either in the middle of a really horrible breakup or this is just another day in the middle of one of the most dysfunctional relationships I have ever seen.
Lets meet Rudy and Tam, shall we?
Tam is 2 women in one.
She is double the width and weight of your average woman.
I don’t view that as fat-shaming as much as being mildly observant.
She is also a mix of various clothing styles.
Ugg boots are always nice, but striped rainbow thigh-high socks throws off the look badly.
Also, and this is just a personal choice, a tight tube top loses its charm when its 3 sizes too small and pushes the muffin top out to the point of needing a new name.
The Mushroom Cloud.
I have reread and edited the last few sentences several times to try and get it under the “Being Mean” wire and I finally have just given up.
Some of you will read it and get your panties in a twist over it, and I will have to somehow live with that. (Let’s be honest, I have said worse and you were ok with it for a variety of reasons. If you are going to be a regular here, you are going to need to roll with an extra set of undies.)
Anyway, now that the wardrobe description is out of the way, like any movie set, the last step is hair and makeup.
The hair is a progressive mix of old school chola hair spray high mixed with black and a sickly strip of grey.
The makeup has raccoon style black eyes and enough lipstick to make a professional clown say “Damn”!
This description is harsh and intentionally mean mainly because I don’t like her. (Plus, this is my world and I get to be a prick if I want to.)
As if this little visual treat is not enough to catch my eye, she is alternating between whispering hideously angry shit at Rudy, but ending each sentence with a 2 syllable scream.
“Mumblemumblemumble, FUCKING RUDY!!!”
As far as vulgar public displays go, its not bad, I have seen worse, but it’s been awhile.
Rudy, for his part, sits like a soldier experiencing severe PTSD, and maybe he is.
This woman is the closest thing to the Vietnam war I have seen.
And how long has Rudy been dealing with this conflict?
Its like the relationship version of the “1000 yard stare”.
And he doesn’t move, like at all.
He just stares straight ahead and sips his coffee.
And eventually, his strategy, or lack of, pays off.
Breathing heavy, with a twitch in her left eye she just sits and glares at him.
And then, in a most unsatisfying way, its over.
Rudy just gets up and walks out, trudging like the weary soldier he is.
And Tam follows.
To her, the movement is like the bell in a boxing match.
It’s back on.
Outside, she seems to be screaming for the whole sentence now. (Loud enough to be heard thru the big bay window.
Good luck, Rudy.
You’re going to need it, son.