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Talking about ass here…

“Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.”

Someone threw that line at me recently.

As my twisted mind spent the next 20 minutes finishing that line.

Here are the top 3 second halfs to that phrase:

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one-

  1. And unless its your own, it stinks. (Think I’m wrong? Next time you are at the bank, bend over and stick your nose in the ass crack of the lady ahead of you. Once the effects of being maced and/or tased fade, see if you can remember if it stank or not. And if she was hot, the test is now tainted. Guys will accept anything for hot chicks.)
  2. And mine is better than most. (I have to say, this is the God’s honest truth. My ass is awesome. I’m not saying you could bounce a quarter off of it like when I was a pre-teen alter boy, but if I shaved it, man or woman you could not keep your hands to yourself.)
  3. And keep your finger out of mine. (I think that line speaks for itself.)

There comes a point when you need to recognize that your opinion is just that, an opinion.

And then…..

Let it the fuck GO.

I have had 3 instances that simply pointing out the hypocrisy or the irony about some screed that someone posted online led to upset.

And the level of butthurt that went on was shocking.

2 of them were about how to live your life.

Vague, tough love credos tend to be the type of thing that goes over big in the off the rack society generated by social media.

The one thing that they all seem to have in common is that they badger you about how big a waste of time social media is, while using social media links like the biggest attention whores on the internet.

The 3rd one had such a solid base of hypocrisy, it was like the literary version of slight of hand.

It started off talking about the ultimate acceptance of all things and all people and posited that everyone is right.

Religion, politics, social conventions, and anything else you can think of.

And then, the next 3 quarters of the screed was a promotion of their personal religious/political belief is the only thing that makes sense to the point of other beliefs being ridiculous.

The biggest mistake you can make when dealing with the echo chamber mentality of modern thought, is to voice either a contrary opinion or not praising it immediately.

And I want to feel bad, but there has to be a line where people stop being coddled.

The base understanding needs to be made that not everything one person or group believes is right.

Sometimes, and lets all take this step together, sometimes there are multiple correct things.

And this is where coffee comes in.

Because when someone makes a comment that you either disagree with or you think is simply half tarded, you can just pick up your cup and take a long sip, then sigh, and say the following:

“Eh, what are you gonna do?”

At first glance, I realize how that line looked to those who have never done it.

But try it, honestly, you will be shocked.

Its the move that they will see as whatever they want it to be.

And it saves the butthurt.

Plus you get to drink your coffee.

Life would be easier if all communication was centered around coffee.

Mmmm coffee….

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Posted by on June 23, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Sorry would indicate regret…Nope

All hell is breaking loose, people!

We are talking scorched earth, end of days, shit going down kind of stuff.

Because PEOPLE ARE UPSETTING US!

There is a growing current of people who don’t want to hear one more word of politics on Facebook.

They are sick of it.

It is upsetting, it ruins their day, its also childish.

Screeching about politics on people’s Facebook page is some of the most entertaining shit you will ever read.

It starts out innocently enough, somebody posts a totally non-political comment, possibly with a photo.

And then the extremist shows up, and the whole thing goes nuts.

I bullshit a lot, but the following happened.

A friend posted a pic of their daughter who just got her driver’s license.

Under it was the caption “Look out world, she’s on the road!”

It was cute and got cute replies, as it should have.

(The new driver was a pretty girl of Latin heritage. There is a reason I am mentioning this and its not racism, at least not by me.)

Enter the pitbull.

“She better enjoy it while she can, cause Trump hates Mexicans and she is going to be rounded up! NOW IS THE TIME TO RISE UP!”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to fuck with people and say upsetting things to other people on Facebook.

But you don’t go after someones kids, that is just rude.

Come after mine and I will kneecap you and you’ll never walk again.

The comments after that were off the chart ugly after that, it was awesome.

I am kind of an agent of chaos in all of this due to one basic fact that escapes most people.

A large amount of the people you see and interact with on Facebook don’t actually exist.

They are like swamp gas or weather balloons, they make people see whatever their mind wants them to see.

So you can fuck with them, twist them around, friend and unfriend, block or unblock and it doesn’t make one bit of difference in the world.

About 2 years ago, I wrote a post that, in the opinions of people I really don’t respect if we’re being truthful, was obscene, vulgar and rude.

And it was.

But it set a personal record for highest number of complaints and unfriendings in the blog history.

And I actually never noticed any impact on my life.

And thats when it hit me.

They don’t exist.

They aren’t real.

Like characters in a book, when you put the book down, their world is over.

This blog is like a microcosm of Facebook, but my own personal that you have chosen to peek in on.

I bask in the praise, giggle at the outrage and write for the simple fact that it gives me a masturbatory pleasure without chafing.

And its also a great excuse to sit in a Starbucks and sip coffee for hours.

Mmmmmm coffee.

(Never lose sight of why we are here.

 
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Posted by on February 3, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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