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Horseshoes and hand grenades

Here’s the thing about losing, in anything you care about in life.

It sucks.

Depending on how high the stakes are to you, it can suck like a 3 day case of the quacker shits.

Crude line, but I think I nailed it.

Winning is a lot better.

Winning is like milk and your favorite cookies on a rainy winter’s day.

I was so tempted to go dirty there.

This blog is becoming so wholesome, its just sad.

Or maybe that is a dodge.

Speaking of, Climate Change is in the news.

It used to be Global warming and the science was DONE, ask any snivelling tree hugger out there and you couldn’t shut them up about it.

The entire planet was supposed to be a barren desert by now, Al Gore said so.

Al Gore walked among us like a man for many years, travelling around in his G5 and leaving a carbon footprint the size of Texas as he admonished us about the evils of fossil fuel, even as he burns thru it like a meth head going thru a stack of rocks.

For awhile I thought he was just fucking with us, daring someone to tell the climate emperor he was naked and full of shit.

And then something funny happened.

It got cooler.

There are a lot of scientific reasons for this, but it kind of boils down to money, politics and being really full of shit.

But all of that is done.

I have it on good authority that the world will end in a fiery holocaust late next week and Donald Trump will gnaw on the bones of the dead in the penthouse suite of Trump Tower.

This little theory was ponied up by a crying hipster screeching into his camera phone all the way from Portland, Oregon.

Protests are going on in Portland.

It’s nice to see the Occupy Wallstreet crowd keeping busy, it gets them out of their parent’s basements and homeless shelters.

It has been a dark time since the election.

Not because of who won, but my guilt at how hysterically giddy I have been watching the whining and extreme butt-hurt wailing that has been going 24/7 ever since.

If there was ever a generation that needed to have been beaten with a stick earlier in life, it’s the Millennials.

You might be able to shut down all the protesting if you gave all of them a participation trophy just for showing up while repeatedly slapping them across the face screaming “You won!” into their ear.

However, much like a horse that gets the bit between his teeth and takes off, slowing them down may be a little difficult.

So, since tasing them en-masse is a legal grey area, we will have to wait for them to wind down.

At that point, we can get them some milk and cookies, put on a show they like, and have them enjoy some private time.

Because that always helps when you LOSE.

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Posted by on November 18, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Time for an autopsy.

It has been suggested by one of the meager handful of people I respect, that a previous post was a little too sexist. (Objectifying women, double standard… blah blah blah, you get the idea.)

So, in the spirit of the New more touchie-feelie Bittermac, I took some sensitivity training.

Or at least 10 minutes of it. (Go to Youtube and search “Sensitivity training”. Watch a few of those, you will be suicidal inside of 5 minutes.)

Aside from reaffirming that we are becoming a nation of metro-sexual pussies, I found 3 common points in both the training videos and the videos from women about sensitivity and sexism.

  1. Most sensitivity training goes against human nature and is loosely based on the premise that you should never offend anyone and float thru life on butterfly wings. (All of these videos are conducted by guys that were chosen last in every sport, cheated on by their wives and end up getting raped in prison for tax evasion. Side note- They are in prison for tax evasion, the rape is just part of the amenities.)
  2. The women that post reaction videos to applaud and affirm the training videos start off by demanding that it be an even playing field. By the end of their video-rants, they are usually wanting to spin the whole thing around to a female dominated/male being shit on playing field. (The bitter side of me applauds their thirst for blood, but it would set the scene for these exact kinds of videos being made by the guys in another decade.)
  3. Nobody seems to have the same agenda. Several of the training videos and the reaction videos took the point of view of sexual abuse, several attacked racism, a few attacked inherited wealth. (Interesting mix, its a forest for the trees. Stop arguing about what kind of trees they are. They are TREES, lets move on.)

So, once again I find myself sitting in my comfy chair up in my ivory tower, seeing the people and their flaws.

And here is what I have for you:

Let it go.

Jesus Christ, people! Life is unfair, always has been, and its not changing any time soon.

If you are a woman, men are going to be unfair to you in the workplace.

If you are a man, men in higher positions will be unfair to you in the workplace.

If you are a short man, women on dating sites will openly discriminate against you.

If you are poor, the rich will discriminate against you when it comes to money.

If you are rich, the government will discriminate against you for having money.

If you draw breath on this planet, someone will take advantage of that situation for their own personal gain.

The whole thing boils down to human nature.

Human beings instinctively strive to better their own situation.

Some do it in an almost brutally selfish fashion, while others are wildly selfless in their approach.

Think of the Clintons on one end and Mother “Saint” Theresa on the other.

And we are all in between.

The vast majority spend their time hiding their own activities and decrying the actions of others.

Me? I am an open book.

Kind of like a tawdry sex novel that gets you a little hot and bothered, but shocks you with how out of your comfort zone you get.

Intriguing, can’t put it down fascinating, but leaves you feeling a little dirty in the end.

Most people wander thru life with this child-like belief system that remains unexamined from the moment it was given to them till the day they die.

Here is the basic truth.

Do your best not to shit on people if its not necessary, be a good person when you can, limit your asshole instincts when you can and hopefully, when the shit hits the fan, you have banked enough goodwill that there are a few hands to help when you need it.

I will not mention Karma here, you all know my opinions on that. (Seriously, if karma worked even a quarter of the time, we would not need laws. They say karma’s a bitch. I agree. A lazy bitch that rarely pulls its own weight.)

I will leave you with a quote from Hunter S. Thompson “I understand that fear is my friend, but not always. Never turn your back on Fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.“ (Not the original quote I wanted, but this one caught my eye and it is golden.)

 
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Posted by on February 26, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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I weep for the future.

It has been pointed out to me that I seem to hold an incorrect opinion.

I don’t agree with that, mainly because I am wrong so seldom that its not even on the radar.

So, while my critic is definitely wrong, I am forced to examine the statement. (Mainly to figure out how best to disparage the critic. I know, we’ve met.)

Here is the opinion they “claim” is wrong:

The youth of today are dumb. (My own golden bloodlines exempted, of course. I swear, its like being part of the Master Bloodlines or something.)

I feel pretty confident about this too.

Here’s why that’s bullshit:

I am in my second favorite breakfast spot and sitting in my third favorite booth.(Of COURSE there is a rating system.)

And sitting at the next table?

A pack of subversive hippies.

Young ones.

Dumb ones.

Future drains on society.

Great.

Nothing kills your appetite quicker than listening to a marauding pack of pseudo intellectuals pontificating about subjects they know NOTHING about.

Here are some observations that are not assumptions, but based on statements made by the useless pieces of shit at the next table and looking at other evidence in attendance:

  • All 4 unwwashed hippies in their carefully ratty clothes come from well monied people. (One reference about trust fund and allowance, 2 Mercedes key-chains and one visa platinum card in evidence.)
  • All four bitching about “Monsanto”, yet two of them had to be corrected that Monsanto is a corporation and not a product. (Actual quote “The government should make it illegal to put that in food. Put what in food? Monsanto.”)
  • The belief that healthcare is now free. (I actually got involved here and asked. All 4 are covered by their parents insurance.)

The complete ignorance and spoiled entitlement is staggering in its entirety.

I used to know a subversive, a real one, old school, he reads this blog and I have complete respect for him.

Back in the day, we had a LOT of conflicting views.

But he understood them. Well.

He could debate them. In fact, he insisted on doing so publicly. (His Reagan outbursts were epic.)

It is a pretty solid fact that if you cannot calmly debate your point in public, or online, without devolving into name calling, then you do not understand your subject enough to hold the opinion in the first place.

Here is why I did not simply dismiss this older subversive and his opinions back in the day.

Because he didn’t sit on his ass.

He was more than willing to verbally go toe to toe with you about his beliefs.

He wrote and performed protest songs.

And he worked his ass off.

He was never a drain on anyone’s wallet.

A work ethic is always to be respected.

And guess what, he now holds, 20+ years later, a position of immense responsibility and contributes more than most ever will to the greater good.

Which, I think, is why the next table bothers me so much.

If you are going to be an alternative free thinker, don’t expect me to pay for it, or by extension your father and for GOD’S SAKE, know what the hell you are talking about.

Not that ignorance doesn’t have its place.

Its the only way some politicians can get elected.

And if you think I am talking about a specific political party, you are showing your own ignorance.

No, this is a general rant about the lazy and the ignorant, citizens or elected officials, take your pick.

There are times where I feel like the Lorax from that epic Dr. Suess tale.

I sit in my tower and dispense the wisdom thru the shuttered window of this blog.

So listen to me as I say, making the blanket assumption that the youth are smart and given time will find their way.

Thats ignorant, in and of itself.

Youth is ignorant, no matter what age you are.

If you want to be an intellectual, do the legwork and don’t expect me to pay for this, intellectually or monetarily.

And THAT is why I am correct.

The youth of today are dumb and a significant percentage will always be ignorant.

You are now free to go about your lives.

Namaste.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Occupy some soap, hippie.

We all have a little masochist in us.

It all depends on what your particular choice of whip is.

I currently have a thing going with an odd combination of Judo and popcorn.

Long story, one beats you up from the outside, the other from deep inside your bowels.

But this isn’t about me.

This is the story of Icarus and Beyonce.

You may ask why I chose those names.

Because I have been sitting next to them for the last half hour and I can think of no better names for them.

Icarus is a suffering artist.

However, lets adjust our definitions of suffering, shall we?

The iPhone 5S on the table in front of him is in a case that I know for a fact costs about $200.

Sitting next to them is a keyring with a Mercedes smart key.

And he is whining like a bitch in heat non-stop about how his parents don’t take him seriously.

He appears to be in his late 20’s.

You figure if they aren’t going to take him serious by now, give it up, they aren’t going to.

Like a set of fake wings, this no real ambition, no talent, overly entitled little shit is expecting to fuck around for his whole life, then magically wake up some morning and the world will prostrate itself at his feet in recognition of…what? (Ok, so the Icarus imagery is pretty weak, but it remains a solid shitty nickname, I hate him already.)

Good question, lets get back to that later.

And then theres Beyonce.

She has ridiculously high maintenance bitch written all over her.

And, judging by her self-absorbed ramblings the entire time Ikarus has been going thru his period, it hasn’t pulled her away from her true vocation, worshiping herself.

She may even be more talented than the real Beyonce, the original no-talent golden calf the media has been shoving down our throats ever since she fired the girls in Destiny’s Child for not being named Beyonce.

Wow. Even I am impressed by the pissy angst in that little sentence.

Icarus is beginning to rub off on me.

I need to get out of here before Beyonce rubs off on me.

Add her diva attitude to my mouth and someone would kill me inside of an hour.

I am enough of an ass, I don’t need the help.

Back to the kids.

I am beginning to see a theme to the bitching.

As near as I can figure, it has something to do with corporations keeping him from getting a gallery show for his art.

Occupy Starbucks.

Christ, not this shit again, like this couple wasn’t worthless enough.

As you may be able to tell if you’ve been paying attention, I don’t view the Occupy movement with any sort of respect.

Mainly because I don’t respect that “unwashed welfare takes a holiday”.

But that is a story for another time.

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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