RSS

Tag Archives: new years

Before the ball drops…

You know I have to get the last word.

I couldn’t let the year end without running at the mouth one last time.

New Year’s Eve is coming and it is time to lie like a politician to the one person we should never lie to.

Ourselves.

New Years is the time that we trot out our completely unrealistic resolutions and parade them around like a temporary trophy wife for all to see.

And they last as long as the trophy wife does and will desert you every bit as fast as if she found out you got no money.

At least you won’t have a lingering STD when the resolution is gone.

At least physically.

Mentally?

Anybody’s guess.

I have seen people pillory themselves like one of the Marquis de Sade’s regulars over not losing that 10 pounds from the holidays.

In reality, the only people that truly give a crap how much you weigh will be your pallbearers, everything else is just in your head.

At my Great Uncle Jack’s funeral, one of my cousins was struggling to hold up his end.

In frustration, he looked down at the casket.

“Jesus Christ, Jack!”

Hilarious.

First time I had ever witnessed someone berating a corpse.

I try to keep my resolutions either ridiculously easy to pull off, or impossible to the point that no one thinks its serious at all.

Here are my easy resolutions:

  1. Don’t get arrested New Years Eve. (Much easier since I quit power drinking.)
  2. Go to the gym. (I am going to the gym now, so I win by doing the norm.)
  3. Be nicer to the family. (Nicer is so hard to put a definition to, I can do what I want.)

And here are my impossibles, (Or perhaps Deplorables)

  1. Not be mean to people. (Not breathing would be easier. I am not a real fan of people.)
  2. Get taller. (If I knew how to pull this one off it would have happened decades ago.
  3. Masturbate less. (Don’t look at me, you’ll ruin the mood.)

I have finally come to this.

I hope next year doesn’t suck.

For those that claim that this year sucked, consider the alternative.

It could have really sucked.

Some people are pissed because a celebrity they liked died, or a politician they didn’t like won, or blah blah blah.

In reality, not a goddam thing actually went wrong with your year.

Happiness is a perception.

So if you are not happy with how this year was?

Get off your ass and get in the game.

Make next year a better one, by your definition.

And for fucks sake! Stop posting shit on Facebook, it makes you look like a douche.

Happy New Year.

Bite me.

 

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 30, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

People fear change for a reason.

First day of the 2016 and the blog is late.

Off to a great start.

Blame it on management.

They refuse to give me holiday pay and I don’t work for free.

There are two holes in that little plot line.

First of all, I am management.

Second of all, I do this for free. (Or at least for such a small amount that it qualifies for “Labor of love” status.)

I could play the sickness card, I have had one of the worse little bouts of sinus/asthma/respiratory sickness than I have had in over a decade.

Here is why that card can’t be played.

I don’t drive a bus for a living.

Blog writing can be done sitting up in bed. (I know this because many of them have been done in just that fashion.)

So what excuses are left?

I got nothing.

Default to Holiday laziness.

It was actually kind of nice to not have to go out for New Years eve for once.

I am getting too old for unrestricted partying.

Some of the greatest nights of my life have been on New Years.

Some of the worse as well.

Top 3 best:

  1. An Epic evening of trying to show a friend from out of state how awesome Southern California is. We went out, got in a fight, found a party at random, took over that party, drank all their liquor, fondled their women and existed a Gods for a small period of time. The friend referred to that as the greatest night ever.
  2. Asked a women to marry me and she said yes.
  3. Spent a scandalous evening having sex in a bed/jacuzzi/couch with an amazing woman that I broke up with soon after, but what a memory.

Top 3 worst:

  1. While drunk and belligerent, I was held by the police on unspecified charges in Hermosa Beach, CA.  I was released in time for breakfast without being given any specific reason why.
  2. I was given back an engagement ring on New Years.
  3. This one is tough to describe without discussing things I don’t discuss here. I had a moment of clarity on New Years Eve and realized that a major part of my life was ending and it was terrifying.

But it is 2016 now.

Lots of things will happen this year.

Both good and bad.

But what kind of year was 2015?

Brutal and Beautiful.

It started off brutal.

Jobs ended, relationships ended (Some abruptly), close relatives died.

And then it got better.

New activities happened, new jobs materialized, new relationships are in the works.

Should be a good year.

Right up until something decides to take a shit on the goodness.

Here is the difference between goodness and badness.

When things are good, the goodness does not seem to go after the badness.

When bad happens?

Its almost like revenge prison sex.

Like bad is taking something way too personally and is out to get goodness.

Should be an interesting year.

Despite my vicious and somewhat cruel nature, I wish you all well in this year.

As long as it does not get in the way of my own happiness.

Some of you get that, and some of you are convinced I am kidding.

Whatever works for you.

Take care, and if all hell breaks loose and you need help?

Don’t call me. (Unless you are a blood relative or at least married into the clan.)

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 1, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,