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Here’s why you’re wrong.

As human beings, once we get out of our teens, we live our lives based on theories.

There are thousands of theories about work, careers, relationships, spirituality…etc.

You name the subject, somebody has a theory about it.

But not all of them are useful.

For instance: (If you did not see this coming, my theory is that you are stupid. Thats not your fault, by the way, most people are stupid.)

I have a theory that people that are born in or move to places that are freezing in the Winter are being punished for crimes committed in another life.

Not murder, but maybe petty theft, vandalism, that sort of thing.

Cold weather is a karmic community service kind of punishment.

The truly heinous crimes? I have a theory about that.

Cows, pigs and chickens were pedophiles and murderers in previous lives.

The cosmos has ruled that they should be eaten, and who am I to get in the way of that?

That is the foundational theory behind my “Being a vegetarian while eating mostly meat” life choice.

Seafood? My theory is that they were the innocent ones in past lives, the victims of various crimes.

Eating them is disgusting, they are living beings and deserve respect.

Moving on.

Some, in fact most, theories are so wrong that you almost wonder what kind of horrible abuse had to happen earlier in whoever came up with that theory that caused their mind to manufacture this fucked up equation.

Like the idea that “Liking” or “Sharing” a meme on Facebook is anything other than a totally selfish act.

Here’s why:

The tragedy in France, when the terrorists killed 130 innocents in the name of Allah?

A massive amount of people superimposed the French Flag over their profile pic.

What did that do for the French?

Not a goddam thing.

What did that do for the person with the pic?

It says “Hey, I know that what happened is bad, BUT DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME! Look at how caring and sad I am. Remember me today.”

Argue that one and dismiss it, I dare you.

And later today or tomorrow, it will creep into your thoughts and you will think about it again.

Why?

Because the truth is like that.

BS disappears without a whimper, like any speech/excuse from a Clinton, they never enter your head again.

Mainly because they had no weight or mass, and just disappeared into the ether.

BS is like that.

I can’t tell you how many people have come back to me to admit they were wrong.

I once told a hardcore animal rescue friend that perhaps the animals she was trying to save were pedophiles in their last life and this is her punishment.

Did I spin doctor this up to fit her semi-buddist view of reincarnation?

Maybe.

She laughed, flipped me off, called me a name and pretended to let it go.

Right.

The view from my ivory tower is stunning and the air is so clear that I could see it brewing in her head from a distance.

Didn’t see her for several weeks, but she said an interesting thing when I did.

“You asshole, do you know how much that stupid theory has screwed with my head over the last few weeks?”

Yes, yes I do.

Do you really think I do this just for shits and giggles?

The actual reason I do this comes from a pretty dark little theory I have.

I have a theory that only half of the people you see thruout your day actually exist.

The rest are just figments of your imagination.

Before you dismiss that, how many of them have you physically touched to proved they are actually here and not just illusions or mirages?

Like shimmering water on hot pavement, maybe they are a refraction of reality passing thru the perceived densities of hot and cold air, happy and sad emotions, pain and orgasm sensations. (This one WILL fuck with you later)

Why are they there?

Evolutionary thinning of the herd on an existential level.

Those that chase the illusions and try to “Be a better person”.

And those at the opposite end of that spectrum that view them as interesting toys to be messed with for my personal amusement.

But thats just a theory.

You’re welcome.

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Posted by on February 5, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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