There are days that life decides to surprise you in a way that is so totally shocking, you almost don’t believe it.
I park about a quarter mile from my office, with Starbucks halfway in between. Its Manhattan Beach, parking sucks 24 7.
I was sending a text and not paying attention, just standing right in front of the escalator when a woman shoved past me. We never touched, but I still felt bad because I was blocking the way.
“Oh, sorry.” I muttered and stepped onto the escalator, right behind the woman I had blocked.
She turned and glared at me, saying nothing. My eyes widened a bit in recognition.
Mrs. Evil Couple.
“Excuse me.” A friendly voice sounded from behind me. I stepped to the side and an older man in surgical scrubs stepped politely past me.
Mr. Evil Couple.
I am in the scene today. Its like winning a small prize unexpectedly.
“You didn’t need to run off like that.” He stands next to her, looking straight ahead.
“This sounds like your problem, not mine.”
For a second, I am confused by her statement, but then I realize that she is talking on her phone. She ignores his comment.
“Your car smells like shit, I don’t like to ride in it.” As she inclines her head to indicate him, it becomes apparent that she is arguing on the phone with someone, and with her husband, in person.
Multitask arguing. This woman is a dynamo.
I have to remind myself that they don’t realize that I consider their life to be my entertainment.
It is evil, all by itself, But I’m good with it.
I try to act casual and just meander towards Starbucks, and still stay close enough to hear them. I am aided in this by several other people all going in the same direction.
Based on his comments, he was about to pull into a parking spot when she bolted from the car. I am not sure why they rode together, as I had the impression that they rode separately and just met up at Starbucks. I am floored by what he says next.
“The dealership with have your car by tonight, they had to send to San Diego for one the right color.” He sounds apologetic.
“Whatever.” She shits on his attempt at nice.
He bought this bitch a new car?
I know how bad that sounds. Don’t judge me, you weren’t there.
Last I heard her car was being fixed because she hit it with a pole. Her anger then was directed at her husband because he allowed the insurance company to raise her premium, which they do when you hit a pole.
She ignores him and begins arguing with the person on the phone.
“She is old and I have no patience with her.” That little tidbit comes drifting back as we enter Starbucks. Drawing once again on my total lack of manners and listening in during previous conversations, I come to the conclusion that she is arguing with her sister about thier mother. She has stated before to her sister that their mother would have to go live either in a home or with the sister. Her classic comment during that little exchange was that the home can’t be so close to her house that “I feel guilty that I don’t see her every week.”
Lotta love going on there.
If I could have planned this morning, I don’t know that I could have thought of something more delightful. I am almost giddy.
She leaves him to order and walks over to the bathroom while still arguing with her sister. I hear the F word echoing back out of the little alcove with the bathroom door.
She tries the door and finds it locked.
She begins to knock, slowly, loudly and deliberately. And she doesn’t stop.
I use that word a lot when I describe Mrs. Evil’s antics. I am so in awe of the arrogant disdain she views the world around her and her total lack of caring what anyone, including her husband, thinks.
I counted the number of knocks. At 75, the door opened and a thoroughly embarrassed woman came out. The woman tried to glare at her, but it bounced off of Mrs. Evil as she steps briskly past and shuts the door.
The woman, red faced and pissed, finally just stomps off. She can’t win this and she knows it.
It makes me wonder why her husband hasn’t stomped off, years ago. What power does she have over him? Pictures of him having sex with animals? Drugs? Did her family finance medical school for him?
Maybe its a sex thing. A close friend of mine made the comment about this very subject that she, and I am quoting her, “must suck great cock.” Its a crude statement, but I have seen marriages based on weirder shit.
And who knows, maybe she does.
In the end, that is all I get from them today. A few minutes later, Mrs. Evil walks out of the bathroom and sails past her husband, who happened to be getting their coffee creations from the barrista.
He looked around like a little kid who realized mom has left him in the store alone. He took off, trying to catch up.
Good luck, pal.
She has been several steps ahead of you for years.
Sic semper tyrannis