It’s Armageddon my friends.
The world is ending, the seas are drying up, the animals are all extinct and all of humanity will perish.
All for the lack of a power outlet.
There is a meltdown of sorts going on in Starbucks.
Not some random, out of the way, middle of nowhere Starbucks, but my favorite one, close to home.
I will call him Power Tie.
Power Tie is important, you need to know that, first and foremost.
Power Tie is wearing a 3 piece suit on a hot day. (For the record, its a cheap suit.)
Power Tie has 2 laptops because he is SO FUCKING BUSY! (However, they are really old laptops. I checked the model when he went to use the bathroom and Googled it. It was originally sold in 1997 and used Windows 95.)
That is where the problem came from, the old laptops.
There is an excellent chance that the batteries no longer hold a charge, so they need to be plugged in at all times.
When Power Tie first came in, he set up shop on a double table and began to unpack.
It took him 10 full minutes to completely unpack and set up his 2 laptop setting. (External mice on both, mainly because one of the laptops didn’t have a touchpad. Power cords carefully plugged into a power strip.)
And then he realized that the spot he had chosen didn’t have an outlet.
What started as a low level rumbling mumble with the occassional “Fuck” thrown in, has become a full blown obscene hissy fit that would embarrass a retarded sailor. (I have a friend who is a marine and is of the opinion that all sailors are retarded. Seems to have a grudge there.)
I rarely get involved, but I am a little shocked at the severity of the butt-hurt display in front of me.
“There are outlets right there.” I point at the tables across the way.
Karma loves a good joke as much as anyone.
The tables across the way just opened up and no one has taken them.
Power Tie eyed them for a long moment with that look you get when you are contemplating some shit on your shoe.
What follows was the oddest combination of grown man/petulant child throwing a fit and stomping his whiny ass back and forth, each trip taking only one item to the other table.
The scene was a cautionary tale for how not to raise a child to become this kind of a pathetic adult.
But, to be honest, there was a part of me that was honestly enjoying it along with my coffee, like a flakey pastry.
I felt like I was witnessing a fine performance art piece, majestic and raw.
And Power Tie stayed in character, truly committing to the scene.
Bravo, artiste, bravo.
The books are out! Check them out here!The Caffeinated Humor Series