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The sound…….of Silence.

There is a vicious, scorched-earth, fully bi-polar argument going in Starbucks right now. Shit is being thrown out there that you should never say to someone you are sleeping with, much less a loved one.

In total silence.

There is a guy at a corner table who is deaf. He has his Iphone propped up against his coffee cup, and if I casually lean over, there is a dark haired woman signing furiously and angrily into her webcam.

I have no clue whats being said other than the expressions, unlike Spanish, which I can sound out. I don’t even know how to sign what day it is.

He has been signing furiously for thirty seconds and now slowly licked several of his fingers and it has seriously pissed off the woman on the phone even more than before. Sign language seems to have newer options for going dirty.

This is absolutely fascinating.

And then its over, he gets up and leaves, in total silence.

He may be deaf, but he still has the same issues we all do. Some more than others.

I couldn’t be deaf, I would go insane. Anger demands noise, that is basic human nature.

But on the same note, being deaf would make me impossible to be around as well. Most deaf people accept it and grow to enjoy it.

Not me.

For me, it would be like having a permanent case of the shits. Always there, always annoying. I would exist in this permanent cloud of pissy that would make me even more unpleasant than I am.

And I can be pretty unpleasant.

But I started wondering why the deaf guy has an Iphone to begin with, its not like he can use it.

And then it hits me like a smack with the big “Hey dumbfuck!” stick.

He is using his phone.

Maybe not how I would, but now everyone can use a phone. The technology has now caught up with the needs of the deaf.

In other words, the people that don’t need phones? They now need phones. And not just any phone, but one of the most expensive, high end phones on the market, with one of the costliest rate plans.

Very clever, AT&T. Or shall I just call you Mr. Jobs?

I can see it all now.

This is world wide conspiracy shit. This is like an Internet grassy knoll, data plan goes back….and to the left, broadband-Da Vinci code type thing.

Chilling.

Should I suddenly meet with some sort of suspicious accident, be aware that “They” had a hand in it.
(And by “Accident” I don’t mean like a child fouling himself. I have only done that once and it involved a lot of grain alcohol.)

I have begun poring over my cell bill, looking for some sort of code. Unfortunately, I think I have a better chance to crack the Beale Cipher, (Google it), than I do of figuring out the AT&T/Apple master plan.

But at least we know there is one.

 
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Posted by on August 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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When you least expect it…Evil Couple.

There are days that life decides to surprise you in a way that is so totally shocking, you almost don’t believe it.

I park about a quarter mile from my office, with Starbucks halfway in between. Its Manhattan Beach, parking sucks 24 7.

I was sending a text and not paying attention, just standing right in front of the escalator when a woman shoved past me. We never touched, but I still felt bad because I was blocking the way.

“Oh, sorry.” I muttered and stepped onto the escalator, right behind the woman I had blocked.

She turned and glared at me, saying nothing. My eyes widened a bit in recognition.

Mrs. Evil Couple.

“Excuse me.” A friendly voice sounded from behind me. I stepped to the side and an older man in surgical scrubs stepped politely past me.

Mr. Evil Couple.

Oh shit!

I am in the scene today. Its like winning a small prize unexpectedly.

“You didn’t need to run off like that.” He stands next to her, looking straight ahead.

“This sounds like your problem, not mine.”

For a second, I am confused by her statement, but then I realize that she is talking on her phone. She ignores his comment.

“Your car smells like shit, I don’t like to ride in it.” As she inclines her head to indicate him, it becomes apparent that she is arguing on the phone with someone, and with her husband, in person.

Multitask arguing. This woman is a dynamo.

I have to remind myself that they don’t realize that I consider their life to be my entertainment.

It is evil, all by itself, But I’m good with it.

I try to act casual and just meander towards Starbucks, and still stay close enough to hear them. I am aided in this by several other people all going in the same direction.

Based on his comments, he was about to pull into a parking spot when she bolted from the car. I am not sure why they rode together, as I had the impression that they rode separately and just met up at Starbucks. I am floored by what he says next.

“The dealership with have your car by tonight, they had to send to San Diego for one the right color.” He sounds apologetic.

“Whatever.” She shits on his attempt at nice.

He bought this bitch a new car?

I know how bad that sounds. Don’t judge me, you weren’t there.

Last I heard her car was being fixed because she hit it with a pole. Her anger then was directed at her husband because he allowed the insurance company to raise her premium, which they do when you hit a pole.

She ignores him and begins arguing with the person on the phone.

“She is old and I have no patience with her.” That little tidbit comes drifting back as we enter Starbucks. Drawing once again on my total lack of manners and listening in during previous conversations, I come to the conclusion that she is arguing with her sister about thier mother. She has stated before to her sister that their mother would have to go live either in a home or with the sister. Her classic comment during that little exchange was that the home can’t be so close to her house that “I feel guilty that I don’t see her every week.”

Lotta love going on there.

If I could have planned this morning, I don’t know that I could have thought of something more delightful. I am almost giddy.

She leaves him to order and walks over to the bathroom while still arguing with her sister. I hear the F word echoing back out of the little alcove with the bathroom door.

She tries the door and finds it locked.

She begins to knock, slowly, loudly and deliberately. And she doesn’t stop.

Awesome.

I use that word a lot when I describe Mrs. Evil’s antics. I am so in awe of the arrogant disdain she views the world around her and her total lack of caring what anyone, including her husband, thinks.

I counted the number of knocks. At 75, the door opened and a thoroughly embarrassed woman came out. The woman tried to glare at her, but it bounced off of Mrs. Evil as she steps briskly past and shuts the door.

The woman, red faced and pissed, finally just stomps off. She can’t win this and she knows it.

It makes me wonder why her husband hasn’t stomped off, years ago. What power does she have over him? Pictures of him having sex with animals? Drugs? Did her family finance medical school for him?

Maybe its a sex thing. A close friend of mine made the comment about this very subject that she, and I am quoting her, “must suck great cock.” Its a crude statement, but I have seen marriages based on weirder shit.

And who knows, maybe she does.

In the end, that is all I get from them today. A few minutes later, Mrs. Evil walks out of the bathroom and sails past her husband, who happened to be getting their coffee creations from the barrista.

He looked around like a little kid who realized mom has left him in the store alone. He took off, trying to catch up.

Good luck, pal.

She has been several steps ahead of you for years.

Sic semper tyrannis

 
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Posted by on August 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The first FB posts about the evil couple.

Willy McKinley
Sitting in Starbucks while the couple next to me is having a hideous argument.
May 25 at 8:30am · Privacy:Friends Only · LikeUnlike ·

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Rebecca Standridge, Vicki Morris Nardone and 2 others like this.
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Willy McKinley They just exchanged the ritual bastard/bitch name calling. IT’S ON!
May 25 at 8:42am · LikeUnlike · 4 peopleLoading…
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Stacy Herring Saez Keep us posted!
May 25 at 8:50am · LikeUnlike
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Rachel Picard Oooo… let us know when someone gets a drink thrown in their face!
May 25 at 9:00am · LikeUnlike
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Susie M Henderson Wilkinson Update plez – love that stuff!! Lol
May 25 at 9:19am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley Arguing over your kids should never degenerate into the wife accusing the husband of being either gay or in love with their own mother. And a husband should never accuse his wife of being frigid in a Starbucks. I should start a blog.
May 25 at 9:20am · LikeUnlike
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Susie M Henderson Wilkinson LMAO!!! Except the kid part…. !
May 25 at 9:23am · LikeUnlike
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Christy Myers As the stomach turns
May 25 at 9:23am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley He thinks the twins should be in separate classes. She doesn’t. That is the starting point. Are you F-ing kidding me?
May 25 at 9:27am · LikeUnlike
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Donell Gereau O’Brien AND…….what happen to the blog?
May 25 at 10:12am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley There is a dark side of my soul that really enjoyed being right there.
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Willy McKinley
Meanwhile, back at Starbuck’s, the fighting couple are here, and they are on their FRICKIN’ honeymoon! Its a bipolar relationship. WTF?!?!
June 1 at 8:08am · Privacy:Friends Only · LikeUnlike ·

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Vicki Morris Nardone likes this.
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Willy McKinley Honeymoons over. They are arguing about money now. She said his father was retarded. I would cold cock her over that one.
June 1 at 8:28am · LikeUnlike
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Karen Goldstein-Eubanks You need to find out from the staff how often they come in so you can plan accordingly and you never miss their fights.
June 1 at 8:44am · LikeUnlike
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Krista Linkogle-Kaplan Great entertainment in the morning!!
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Willy McKinley
Boring day at Starbuck’s. No drama. Odd how fast you get used to that.
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Willy McKinley
Angry wife just stomped into Starbucks. No sign of husband. Will there be a game today? Waiting…………
June 8 at 8:12am · Privacy:Friends Only · LikeUnlike ·
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Ezequiel Argueta, Vicki Morris Nardone and 2 others like this.
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Bob Tappan I don’t think all that caffeine is helping them.
June 8 at 8:15am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley Husband just arrived. They are being pleasant, but she is quiet and glaring.
June 8 at 8:22am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley They are arguing about Posturpedic beds.
June 8 at 8:25am · LikeUnlike
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Tracy De Long I love your updates about the Starbucks couple!!
June 8 at 8:34am · LikeUnlike · 2 peopleLoading…
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Willy McKinley She said he treats his secretary like servant, or a whore. Her foot hurts and it is his fault because he is a Dr.
June 8 at 8:38am · LikeUnlike
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Stacy Herring Saez This needs to be a novel. I’m hooked!
June 8 at 8:43am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley He was trying to text a friend to arrange dinner and was questioning what to text. She snatched it out of his hand and said he “Doesn’t know shit.”
June 8 at 8:43am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley And the Czech accent makes it so much worse.
June 8 at 8:43am · LikeUnlike
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Bob Tappan Czech accent is bad? I could listen to Zuzana at bodyrock.tv talk all day long…
June 8 at 8:45am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley Thats because she’s hot, Bob.
June 8 at 8:48am · LikeUnlike
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Bob Tappan Fair enough.
June 8 at 9:06am · LikeUnlike
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Christy Myers And so are the days of our lives
June 8 at 10:29am · LikeUnlike
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Madelon Ries Gerety My Starbucks is not exciting at all!
June 8 at 12:31pm · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley I have been accused of making up the StarBuck’s couple. I can assure you that they exist.
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Willy McKinley
So people…….what’s up?
June 15 at 7:48am · Privacy:Friends Only · LikeUnlike ·

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Christy Myers why aren’t you at Starbucks giving us an update?
June 15 at 10:15am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley They have been missing.
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Willy McKinley
At Starbucks and they are not here. The young twenties something girl next to me is being snotty with her boyfriend on the phone. Sigh…….its not the same. God I miss them.
June 21 at 7:51am · Privacy:Friends Only · LikeUnlike ·

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Christine Staley, Karen Goldstein-Eubanks, Lisa Dignan Christiansen and 2 others like this.
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Christy Myers NOOOOOOOOOO
June 21 at 9:58am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley I know. The girl was an amateur. I got a slap-fight when I was ready for a war.
June 21 at 10:16am · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading…
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Megan McKinley what?
June 21 at 10:46am · LikeUnlike
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Willy McKinley There is a couple that argue every morning at Starbuck’s. They haven’t been there for a few days and I miss them.
June 21 at 10:47am · LikeUnlike
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Christy Myers Maybe they are on vacation? They have to come back
June 21 at 11:27am · LikeUnlike
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Megan McKinley lol thats nice dad.
June 21 at 12:50pm · LikeUnlike
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Stacey Rennie I miss them too
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And then the blog started.
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4 Comments

Posted by on August 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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