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What happens in Vegas may haunt you forever.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

I personally hate that phrase, this despite the fact that there appears to be some truth to it. 

But let me posit the idea that perhaps your behavior should be kept under control so it doesn’t take an entire city, a modern day Sodom and Gamora to handle your shit. (Gamora or Gomorrah? One is the fabled vile city and the other is the hot green chick from Guardians of the Galaxy)

Although, you do have to admit that access to an entire city where you can cut loose and show your ass a bit definitely sounds like a stress reliever. 

Like a city version of a service dog that helps you “Keep calm”. (How about you just learn to deal with emotions instead of being hand held like half a tard all your adult life?)

Either way, I am in Vegas for the weekend. 

I like Vegas because of its honesty in declaring that it exists to take your money. (And if you think you don’t live in a city that is lying thru its teeth about how badly it wants your money, I have a land deal I would like you to invest in, dumbass.)

But I also love Vegas for the time honored activity of people watching.

For those of us who like to watch others, Vegas is a Mecca of sorts.

There are 5 types of people to see in Vegas. 

  1. The first is the Total Tourist. They take pictures of everything, see as many shows as they can and can tell you who is headlining at every casino. They are your safest of the Vegas people to be around.
  2. The second is the Party Tourist. At a minimum, they are drunk all the time. At their worst, they are on a vile cocktail of alcohol, chemicals and natural supplements that makes them a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode. 
  3. Number three is the sly gambler. This guy always has a scheme to take the casino for big dollars. Its like watching an amateur going against a pro. The casinos have been rocking this game for half a century and rarely, if ever, lose. The casinos are a lot like a bear toying with a raccoon. Eventually it gets tired and smashes its living toy into the dirt. Many a sly gambler go home broke with a badly broken hand as a reminder to stay out of a particular establishment.
  4. Four is the regular local. They work for some component of the gambling establishment. These range from dealers, pit bosses, waiters/waitresses, security, clerks, cashiers, support and last but not least is the regular citizen. (Regular citizens live nearby, eat at the buffet and gamble a touch and they are SO not feeling your over the top party vibe.)
  5. Dark Vegas People. These are your drug dealers, human dealers, illegal fight club admissions and illegal high stakes gambling hosts. These are the guys to avoid like the plague. They are much more than you think and what you’re used to back home. (And they bury a lot of people out in the desert.)

All in all, you can have an amazing time in Vegas, as long as you realize that you: A. Are not “The MAN” and B. No, you don’t “Have this shit covered.”

Just keep your head down, have fun, be safe, and go home in one piece, a few dollars left, no STDs or one step ahead of a “Fixer” that wants to buy your girlfriend.

Now, be a good kid and go play.

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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Book #4 is out!!!

The 4th book of the Caffeinated Humor series!!!

All the content you love, packaged together for your entertainment.

Get yours now!

Click this link! ——>It’s the Coffee Talking: Caffeinated Humor 4

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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This little financial piggy went to market…

Chuck and the stock market.

There is a retired guy that sits in the corner and just listens to his headphones and watches stocks.

His stocks.

He has 10 stocks on his screen. I am rude enough to have sat next to him and looked at them and then looked them up. Total invasion of privacy, but I know where he keeps his money.

I don’t know how much he started with, but he seems to be doing well. Lots of DOW stocks, but a few riskier ones mix in for spice. He mutters in an agitated way when one of the stocks spikes.

Today, he is agitated more than usual. Not in a bad way, but antsy in his seat. Excited.

Oh, lets go talk.

I am a regular in this Starbucks and have seen Chuck dozens of times. It is easy to get people to talk when you are kind of unspoken nodding acquaintances.

Chuck, it seems, has hit it big with his stocks.

He confides that he has a stock that he just started buying a month ago, and has since tripled in price.

This, he says, is due to a new process they introduced, that is totally new in the industry.

I don’t know and don’t care what industry.

I ask him the secret to his luck.

His son works for the company and told him about the coming announcement.

Wow.

Is it me or did Chuck just confess to Insider Trading in the middle of a Starbucks? To a total stranger who writes a blog about shit he hears in Starbucks?

Ironic, isn’t it?

Luckily, I can keep a secret. (Convoluted rules govern what spills and what doesn’t)

As long as I am cut in on it. This, in a nutshell, is the whore-like nature of my existence.

Money, they say, is the root of all evil.

I disagree.

Lack of money leads to a hell of a lot more evil and fucking over of friends and family.

Take a look at Ronaldo, just as an Example. (Read the blog- Sins of the Son…)

The only reason that Chuck is willing to risk jail time, his sons job, and countless tense future Thanksgivings (Wish I could be there) is because of the possibility of making filthy amounts of money trading on his son’s behind the scenes knowledge.

Money, money, money.

It would be a different world if there was no money.

A real world.

A real boring world.

Lets face it, life is like gambling, its the money that makes it all worth doing.

Without it, its a kids game.

But, back to Chuck.

Is he a bad guy? Is he in kahoots with his son?

What the hell does kahoots mean, anyway? Its an archaic word. Like making a mistake and calling it a boner. (That still makes me laugh, kind of a turn-of-the-century dick joke.)

Wish I knew Chuck’s son though.

Cause I would insider trade in a heartbeat.

It would be neat to be in on something sneaky and somewhat evil like that. One of the wheels in a massive ponzie scheme.

Bernie Madoff’s right hand guy.

Hiding money from the feds. Fake companies in Grand Cayman. Mistresses. Corrupt officials. Bought and sold congressmen. Shadow government agents.

Steven Speilberg could be brought in for the movie version.

Provided he is not under indictment. Cause you know I would target celebs.

This is actually much more evil that I ever thought.

And in the end? When the feds are closing in and everything goes to hell?

I roll over on everyone.

Probably a good thing I don’t know Chuck’s son.

Evil looks good on me like a new suit.

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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