Can I interest you in a Ghetto Latte with a shot of stank in it?
A homeless guy in line at a Starbucks is not a unique situation.
Caring, soft-headed individuals will give them gift cards to obtain high-priced coffee drinks and food. (The studies all show this is damaging, but people think they are helping rather than empowering and prolonging the homeless situation. Nobody reads anymore, so this will go on.)
But that is not the case this morning.
The gentleman wearing 3 layers of dirty clothes and a truly impressive aura of BO and urine does not have a card.
What he does have is an understanding of Starbucks courtesy policy.
“Venti hot water.” His voice is gravelly, feel free to speculate why. (METH!!!)
Starbucks will give hot water in their branded cups for free.
The reason is that they sell Via, an instant coffee product that I have an abusive relationship with.
I got my own hot water right after him and joined him at the cream and sugar kiosk.
On any C&S kiosk there is chocolate, vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon powder, all with the idea of dressing up your coffee beverage. (As a people, we are a spoiled pathetic bunch.)
While I creamed and artificially sweetened my coffee, the homeless barista mixed all of the available powders, along with 8, count em 8, sugar packets, into this evil bitches brew.
His concentration was like a witch concocting a potion, allowing for the witch to smell like shit that somebody peed on…2 weeks ago.
Half of the previously full powder containers were empty by the time he was done.
I have to admit, I was really curious what the final product tasted like.
He sipped it every now and then, tasting the flavor.
I would have asked for a sip, but the urine smell was dampening my appetite.
Plus, since my immune system is not what it once was, I was iffy on my ability to shake off the plague, influenza or whatever was causing those lip sores.
Eventually, the homeless barista left, yet his stench remained.
It was a chilly morning, but the air conditioning suddenly came on.
I applauded the manager’s efforts to clear the air.
Perhaps another thing to include on the C&S kiosk would be Fabreeze.
It would be a great way to break the ice with a rancid smelling street dweller.
“Good morning! Would you mind if I Fabreezed you in an effort to cut down on that feeling of imminent vomiting and the crawling feeling on my skin?”
Tell me the truth, wouldn’t you have a different view of the homeless population at large if the stench of BO and urine was replaced with Ocean Breeze™ or the lingering scent of lilacs?
I know I would be more inclined to pony up some change and ease off on the taser-reflex.
I know there are those of you that, for reasons unknown that are probably rooted in childhood abuse, disagree with me.
Can’t help you.
BB King once said, “Some people, if they don’t know, you can’t tell them.”
He was right.
Because there is no Fabreeze for stupid, that stench lingers no matter how long the AC has been on.