April Fool’s Day has always had an ominus ring to it.
But despite my love of over-hyped hysteria concerning evil odd numbered days, it has always been a little disappointing.
No one has ever played a trick on me.
And I don’t know anyone who has ever had a trick played on them on this day.
So who has been lying to us?
Let me be the first to throw Hallmark under the bus.
If it were not for the makers of those over-priced shit scribbles, there is a whole slew of days none of us would give two shits in hell about.
But we do.
I got an April Fool’s day card in the mail yesterday.
I would tell you the absolutely crappy joke involved, but I am afraid that it would spread like a mental Ebola of the weak minded.
Suffice to say that it was a joke that could not produce a laugh, just a groan.
The pun version of being fisted, awkward and a little painful.
Perhaps a touch harsh for those reading this in the early morning, but I want everyone’s mind in the same place, a baseline, if you will.
You have to wonder what kind of mind chooses to make “Greeting” cards for a living.
The normal “Greeting” card writer has a personality profile that reads a lot like a child molester.
Trust me, writing this blog makes me practically an FBI profiler.
The creation of these false holidays, invented to sell expensive folded paper to the simple minded.
Why is the biggest question that no one seems to ask.
Why should we care about April Fool’s Day at all?
Because we are human, and stupid, but human is the main part of that answer.
We are made up of equal parts stupidity, superstition, fear and lust.
Superstition is first of the four.
Especially in the USA, we have people from all over the world, a bigger diversity melting pot than any other country in the world.
And that is a lot of superstition.
Consider it a tribute to modern times that most of the nastier traditions of our superstitious holidays have dropped away.
No animals are killed, nobody gets hurt, and no old grannies will throw the goat horns at you.
(Personally, if you have never had an old granny throw the goat horns at you and mutter in Romanian under her breath, then spit at you, you have no idea what are missing. I once dated a Romanian girl. Beautiful girl, vile grandmother.)
The interesting thing about April Fool’s Day is that anything important happens short of death today, and most people will wonder if it is a prank.
Unless somebody dies, then it stops being a silly holiday.
But until then, its just a silly holiday.