RSS

Tag Archives: god

The aroma of a disreputable God.

I may be cursed.

I have tried to find an old gypsy woman to verify this, but have come out with snake eyes so far.

I usually live a life that is an interesting cross between golden-child kind of charmed and red-headed bastard son of a medieval lord.

Odd combination, but I usually come out on top.

Until today.

I have mentioned my sense of smell, or rather lack of, before?

For those who are new or not paying attention, I have had some unfortunate breaks of my nose that have ruined my sense of smell.

Among the many scents I cannot enjoy, body odor, affectionately known as BO, is one of them.

I also cannot smell most flowers. (This is almost a crime.)

But not being able to smell BO? I am ok with that. (It almost, but not quite, makes up for no flowers.)

Again, until today.

I am in a Starbucks I have never been in before. (Is that even possible?)

I set up my laptop, grab my coffee, cream and sugar to perfection and head back to my seat.

And then it hits me.

The smell.

I have never smelled a human like Crepitus before.

Crepitus has BO on the level of decomposition.

Check that fucker for a pulse, if you dare to get that close.

Crepitus, for those who don’t have time to research ridiculous crap like this, is the Roman God of Flatulence.

Might be the walking dead for all I know.

Good show, but who knows where the extras on that show go between seasons? (I can’t prove they are not using real zombies in that show.)

Anyway, the smell is an overwhelming thing, like a person unto itself.

A really obnoxious person.

With a personality (Smell) that is aggressive and in your face.

Like an olfactory version of a used car salesman.

They say that the course of human events changes because of the deeds of great men.

I disagree.

I think the course of human events changes because of the stench of random people.

Smell makes the world go around.

However, smell is currently making me lose interest in my coffee, its THAT bad.

There are those people in life that have such a narcissistic view of the world that they have no clue about how they affect the world around them.

No man is an island.

Bullshit.

I can name ten that are land-locked islands with no sense of the other islands on all sides.

And they are not going to change any time soon.

And then, as it always does, shit changes. (Do you see the irony here?)

Crepitus gets up, possibly shits himself, and leaves.

The door opens a few times, letting a little more fresh air in each time.

A woman sits at the next table that has what I would normally think of as too much perfume.

But not today.

Today, even shitty perfume in quantity is a delight.

Now that Crepitus is gone.

And I can get back to my coffee.

 

The books are out! Check them out here! The Caffeinated Humor Series

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 24, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

And now for something completely different.

I have told a long time fan of the blog that if she ever wrote a post, I would put it on the site. Well, she did it. I will publish mine on Monday. I have forced her to pick a pen name. Enjoy…

Do as I say, not as I do – by Anastasia Beaverhausen

The devil herself: Kim Davis, ladies and gentlemen. A boil on the ass of hypocrisy. That fugli skank just bitch-slapped America and erased years of progressive movement for LGBT rights. Makes me rethink our electoral system: If we can vote in favor of same-sex marriage, and legalized marijuana, and also elect self-righteous county clerks into position, then how do we have a prayer of confidently moving into the end of the 2010 decade with a new leader of the free world? Oh, did I say prayer? Forgive me. Oh, forgive isn’t PC, either. Screw it.

Even the Pope is cutting edge, and demanding change. Embrace it or not, he has the balls to do something. It may not be a functioning, procreative sac, but Pope Francis has got it going on.

Ms. Davis hides her fat Lauren Ashley floral print jumper-wearing ass behind her bible, which I’m certain has never had her beady little eyes laid upon even one scripture verse. “Behold! I am a 4-time married ho that hasn’t the faintest idea of anything in the real world except for what I’ve been brainwashed into thinking and believing”.

Kim Davis needs a makeover both physically and mentally. I’m sick of her ugly face showing up on the news feeds, spewing her diatribes to America. Who the fuck does she think she is? It’s not like she won by a landslide – she barely got elected! Clearly this wasn’t a beauty contest. Actually, I prefer she makes Margaret Thatcher look like a Victorias Secret model: I would have to kill myself if I found myself even remotely attracted to Kim “get a life” Davis.

She promised and swore to uphold the constitution of the USA, but refused to follow the law? Well, let her tell it to Officer Krupke. I’m sure he’ll understand. Of course, this gives us all free license to weasel out of any ticket if we’re pulled over. If Kim Davis can refuse to uphold the law, why should we? Good lord – should we be thanking her for showing us the way to a lawless society?

Smack! I’m OK now – had to slap myself back to reality. She must be hypnotizing Americans into her self-proclaimed righteous way of thinking. Good think I (and all of you) have our wits about us.

I wish I was in jail with her: I’d show her a thing or two about obeying and submitting – two of my favorite terms in the bible. I’d even let her wear her pastel turtleneck sweaters while I spilled my seed. Those conservative bible-belt gals are really just begging to have their beliefs challenged. They don’t call it “in the biblical sense” for nothing.

Thank God she hasn’t procreated. There I go again: using religious lingo. At least I have a soapbox to stand on: I almost went in the seminary. This qualifies me to tell you to tell Kim to fuck off. Just do it. Tell her.

Do as I say.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 11, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , ,