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Tag Archives: employment

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, you know the rest.

There is an odd energy to being unemployed.

Like you are forgetting something that you just can’t remember.

But its always there.

And an element of laziness.

That would be my immigrant blood talking.

If you are not so sick or damaged that you are in hospital, why the hell aren’t you at work?

That voice in the back of my head sounds suspiciously like my father, but we are not here to analyze, just share.

I found myself caught in a layoff a month ago.

I hate surprises, especially when they interrupt my day to day.

I am a fan of consistency.

Mainly because you can never count on inconsistency.

Here is one of the main issues with job hunting.

Paranoia is your best friend.

You want to come across as a nice guy, exactly who they want, but your best bet is to approach it like borderline paranoid schizophrenic.

There are so many job scams going on, it boggles the mind.

Resumes services, recruiters that need a “fee” because they work with “exclusive” clients. (I hate using quotes, its annoying.)

I was a recruiter, worse, I was a “headhunter” during the Dot Coms. (Headhunter deserves quotes, we were shameless money whores.)

But even we didn’t have the yarbles to try and charge candidates selling them like human cattle for a DANDY profit.

These are the guys I love to keep on the phone for a long time, giving them the impression that the hook is solidly set into my upper lip.

Like telemarketers, these are people who think they are slick.

Its only when they realize that you are jerking them around that they get pissed.

I had one threaten to KICK MY ASS.

I pointed out that, as they had my resume, they knew where I lived, and further invited them by for said ass kicking.

Not that I think I am such a badass that I live without fear, far from it.

I am half a century old and chubby. (Cardio kickboxing can only do so much.)

I am not gonna be laying people out left and right, not even on a good day.

But, and here is the really weird part, I have had my ass kicked by people that are inhumanly good at it.

So, my fear of a mediocre smack down is low level at best.

Now, we move on to the shady types that have jobs.

I say shady because they have a job, but not one you want.

Among other things, I do sales.

Here is the general rule with sales:

  1. The higher the salary, the easier the sale and the more you want someone of a certain minimal level of quality to stay in the role for the long term. There are few jobs like this. Mainly because when someone gets one of these jobs, they never leave.
  2. The lower the salary, the harder the sales. When you are seeing something that is 100% commission, that is a really hard sale and the company doesn’t want to waste money on people who may never make that sale. Real Estate Agents and Car Salesmen live in this category. Yes, there is a reason they have that reputation.
  3. Never be afraid to let the employer know how much you love money. Sales is the only position that being “Money driven” is not only acceptable, its preferred.

As a general rule, any job that you cannot get a clear answer of what it is on the phone, that you have to come in for, is shady as fuck.

The person the phone wants you to come in because physical presence twists the equation enough that he has a better chance of you going for it.

And thats when you find yourself signing up friends and family to sell candles, insurance, weight-loss products and dildos. (I have seen family members selling all of those items.)

Now, this is just my opinion, I am not looking to throw the stink eye on anyone’s sale, but when you find yourself selling a double headed dildo to a blood relative, you have made a bad decision in the long run.

But that is just me. (Double headed dildos creep me out.)

I am an asshole before I have my coffee.

Alright, I am an asshole after, I am just happier.

Mmmm coffee…

 

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Posted by on May 12, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Because you need your ass whipped.

I have always had an unnatural relationship with the time clock anywhere I have worked.

I took a moment recently to look back over my work history.

Despite having been born in the US, my approach to work has always been that of a starving immigrant.

I missed work the day I was born.

My father came by my hospital crib and told me to quit crying, there are no free rides.

Shortly thereafter, I had my first job, sweeping up at the hospital.

At multiple times in my life, I have found myself with several jobs, like some sort of albino Jamaican.

The family businesses were automobile repair and food service. So I was grubby but well fed.

It was better than our next door neighbor was in textiles so his children worked in the mill.

Their lack of hands due to mill accidents made them poor playmates.

I was never really allowed to play with children that were not gainfully employed.

I grew up in a time where child labor laws were much more relaxed and kids were allowed the privilege of bringing home a decent paycheck.

I have filled out a W4 with a crayon.

I have only been on unemployment 2 times in my life and it was embarrassing, both times. (No joke there, sadly.)

My kids have great work ethics, something that I am wholly proud of.

You may be wondering what has me waxing poetic about the workplace.

Because I saw someone fired today.

Fired for not showing up for work.

Usually that sort of thing is nipped in the bud fairly quickly.

However, when the person is hired to answer the phones at 4am when no one else is there, it takes awhile.

The thing I keep coming back to is the not showing up for work.

Its like deciding not to breathe anymore.

They are lucky they were not raised by my father.

I don’t care what age you are, man or woman, you get fired for not showing up for work in my family, you are getting your ass beat.

And you would have it coming.

Its getting to the point that if you have a strong work ethic, its so rare that its like you know magic.

In a certain sense, I guess my issue with them being fired is that I am incapable of understanding it.

At its core, the decision was made not to bring in an income.

Which hurts the family.

This is where the entire problem is.

It is tattooed into my DNA that above all, you don’t hurt the family.

I hope they learned their lesson in being fired.

Or any lesson, really.

Nobody seems to learn any lessons these days.

When I was a kid, there were a lot of lessons I learned.

All of them had the same moral to the story.

Don’t hurt the family.

Because family is everything.

Thus endith the lesson.

 

 
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Posted by on March 4, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Why don’t you just shoot me?

Life can be tough, wear a cup.

Every now and then, life decides to sucker punch me in the nuts.

Crude imagery, but I think it fits.

I got laid off.

Let me correct that, I got laid off from a job I had for 90 days and my entire staff was fired.

Staff of only 2, but still.

Out of the blue.

I have been employed since I was 10 years old, I have always had a job, its my thing.

We are Irish immigrants, its kind of a cultural thing. Unemployment is not only frowned upon, its just not allowed.

I have never been dead weight.

So, the job hunt begins.

Blogging pays shit, so I need a new corporate management job.

Fortunately, I interview well, so I am not that worried about that step of the process.

Its the uncertainty that hits me, along with the break in routine.

I don’t have someplace to be tomorrow and that is disconcerting on several levels.

The one thing you never want to do is to admit to yourself that you are scared shitless.

That just leads to bad things.

Liquid breakfasts with high alcohol content is the first one that comes to mind.

Whenever I am between jobs, I do not touch alcohol, not that I have a problem, but to make sure I never develop one.

Plus, I tend to be a mean drunk.

That is barely tolerable when you are drinking too, but not at 7am.

Tends to wear on the nerves.

Besides, the only drug I allow myself, working or not, is caffeine.

And thats not going anywhere soon.

I just got a job offer to ruin peoples days as a telemarketer.

For the record, they saw my resume and called, I did NOT pursue them.

Not that theres anything wrong with that.

Hard core, pure commission sales has an element of “Ass in the wind” that I was never totally comfortable with.

Its one of the reasons that I first went into management and training in the first place.

I began identifying the perfect job opportunity for me, just so I’ll know it when I see it.

Here is what I came up with.

Councilor at a nymphomaniac summer camp for girls.

I don’t have the schooling for that.

Ok, so that was Dave Atell’s joke, but it was the perfect setting for it.

Here is the long and the short of what we are ALL looking for.

Someplace that doesn’t suck, that you kind of look forward to going to, pays you enough that you don’t question being there, and that you don’t have to ride a bullet train for 6 hours to get to. (Kudos to the Japanese, I couldn’t do it.)

So, I put out a lot of resumes yesterday, and I am going to put out a lot more today.

Hopefully, I will find a new home sometime soon, doing something I enjoy.

And if I’m lucky, it will not suck.

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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