I don’t like being mad-dogged at the urinal.
Let me pee in peace.
There is kind of an unspoken etiquette at the men’s room urinals.
It is a lot like being in prison.
For the most part, guys are convinced that a possible prison rape seen could happen at any moment.
Its a tense atmosphere for most guys. Except the guys that are in the men’s room, looking for love.
Me? I don’t need any new friends.
That being said, could you look lovingly into someone elses eyes for 2 minutes?
No offense. This is a don’t ask, don’t tell. I don’t ask because I don’t want to be told.
Let me set the scene.
There are four stand up urinals against the wall, with the door on the right.
If I take the one 2nd from the left, that leaves one between me and the wall and two between me and the door.
If you come in, please take the one furthest from me, it causes the least trouble.
If you take the one next to me, on my right with the door, you will interrupt my urinating as I wonder if there is an attack coming.
And god forbid you take the one between me and the wall. At this point, I am done urinating and I KNOW you have an agenda.
And I don’t need to have my urinating interrupted. I am at that age where any issue with the flow has me worrying about my prostate. You have to watch that sucker like a hawk.
Back to the urinal.
I realize how all of this sounds. There are some of you screeching “Homophobe!”
I think a little fear is good for you.
So is guilt.
Keeps you on your toes, your head in the game.
I was raised Catholic, so the whole fear and guilt thing goes with it and I get that.
We keep getting away from the urinal and I am starting to think that it is an ok thing.
Urinals smell horrible.
Ladies don’t realize how bad men’s rooms are.
I always refer to them as the Monkey Hut.
Like at the zoo.
Shit on the walls is unpleasant, but not all that unexpected.
Men will pee on the seat, on the floor, the wall.
You name it.
I once read a news article about a man who had never used a public toilet. He spent a huge amount of time travelling from work to home to use the bathroom.
The more I think about that one, the more I think that it would be awesome.
It would be clean.
It would smell nice.
And no one would maddog you mid-pee.