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Have some freedom.

This is a don’t ask, don’t tell blog.

The two ladies coming into my favorite breakfast place appear to be a couple. (“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Seinfeld circa 1993)

I wear my hair short and one of them even have me beat.

One lady is wearing mom jeans and a tshirt, shoulder length hair.

Lets call her Julie. (Why not?)

Her partner is close to 6 foot. Broad shoulders. Super short hair. Scowling.

Khakis, steel toed chuckaboots, and a faded Springsteen “Born in the USA” tshirt.

Let’s call her Mike.

They stand in front of the menu, looking at the breakfast goodies.

Julie says, in a soft voice, “Breakfast burrito sounds good.”

The cashier takes that as a sign to start taking orders.

“Breakfast burrito, would you like ham, bacon or sausage on that?”

Julie takes 1.9 seconds to open her mouth to answer.

And that is too fucking long for Mike.

Angry mouth 2 inches from Julie’s ear, Mike has had it with her shit.

“Are you going to fucking order?”

Wow.

0 to 60 1.9 seconds has to be a record of some sort.

There are 2 more explosions from Mike before the order is taken.

The cashier looks a lot like a horse in a forest fire, eyes rolling, stuttering and looks like she might bolt at any moment.

The weird part is that it is a large open room that seems to absorb the tension so that no one around them seems to notice.

Except for me.

But only because I notice everything.

The Fates are kind at times and today is one of those days.

Mike and Julie take a seat at the table behind me.

I can hear pretty clearly.

And it is a conversation that makes ADD look stable by comparison.

Here is a 5 minute sample:

  • Shitty comment.
  • Inquiry about upcoming 4th of July Party.
  • Inquiry about the time thru angry clenched teeth. (Still don’t get that one.)
  • Compliment about patriotic tshirt purchase.
  • Shitty comment that included the use of the “C” word.
  • Mention of interracial porn likes/dislikes.
  • Shitty self deprecating comment.
  • Desire to see a movie tonight.
  • Shitty comment.

It was exhausting to follow and keep in mind, I talk to the homeless on occasion.

In the end, it was simply a couple in a bad relationship, having a bad morning.

And the take away for all of you is, no matter what your choice of relationship is, avoid the toxic ones if you can.

But it was entertaining.

There is a joke that plays on the observation that a lot of lesbians get serious way too quick.

What gift does a lesbian buy for a second date? A Uhaul truck. (That joke was told to me by lesbians that I hold in high esteem and in the right circles, that joke kills.)

The take away for me, is the image of Mike, angrily eating pancakes and muttering fuck into her coffee.

And that is what America is all about.

Happy 4th of July.

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Posted by on July 1, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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And you aren’t sure where your clothes went.

The difference between a county fair and an RV show held in the same location, is the variety of available deep fried foods.

At least, thats how I can see it.

Its the same collection of circus freaks that show up for the fair, but with one, clear difference.

Financial demographic.

An RV show draws a crowd that is every bit as weird and dysfunctional, but they are either gainfully employed and weird or retired with an income and weird.

Either way, they are buyers.

From the moment you come thru the door, don’t ever forget the fact that the entire reason for being of the entire event is to sell RV’s or stuff for RV’s.

Don’t forget that, mainly because the people working there don’t.

Walking in, I heard the following, much to my delight:

“I am not going to buy a damned thing, I am just hear to look.”

That is just so naive and cute, its like a 5 year old said it.

I really wish I was still in sales whenever I hear silly shit like that.

Right now, there are several of you shaking your heads and stating how you do that all the time, no one can sell you shit.

Do you know how many people like that say the same thing in those situations?

Pretty much all of them.

These are the people that those of us who sell things make our living off of.

The people who are just that fucking stupid that they are convinced they are clever.

You know who I am talking to.

It starts with the browsing.

You wander from RV to RV, grazing around the ones you like.

The salesman watches this and takes note.

And then, first pass.

“Can I answer any questions for you?”

Temperature gage, nothing more. Just to see if you are homeless.

50 percent of the time, you give them the Heisman, stiff arm, nothing.

“Just looking.”

They are expecting that. So much so that it barely registers.

So they follow up.

“I would never buy from someone who didn’t just leave me alone.”

Shut the fuck up, yes you would. And you have, there are few virgins here.

The guy is helpful, if he is dedicated, he knows his product and he knows the numbers.

Its all a numbers game from there.

Something like this:

10 approaches. “Can I answer any questions for you?” Ask it to 10 people to get 4 who are not rude and ask a question.

10 who ask a question, to get to 2 who are possibly in the market.

10 who are in the market to get to 3 who are willing to go to the tables, the Stockyard, to talk.

1 out of every 8 who go to the stockyard to get the 3 that will go to the isolated closers table. The Slaughterhouse.

1 out of 5 who go to the slaughterhouse will buy.

Do the math.

Roughly 400 approaches, numers subject to change, in order to get a sale.

Commission? $20K

Sweet work if you are good at it.

For every guy out there that believes he is just to mentally tough to be talked into a sale, they make their living off of you.

It just takes a period of stroking your ego enough to get you into position for the kill.

And, on rare occasion, someone will walk up to the sales guy and say, “I would like to buy this one, who do I talk to?”

That is the sales equivalent of having a deer shoot itself, then tie itself to the hood of your car.

And it doesn’t get any better than that.

And for the record, I know how this game is played and I still almost bought an RV.

 

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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America – You’re damned right!

America is the greatest country in the world and you bastards would die without us! HAHAHAHA!

America – You’re damned right!

 
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Posted by on July 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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