Paraskevidekatriaphobia: Fear of Friday the 13th.
Excuse me while I shit myself sideways and die.
Its no secret that this day in particular tends to give me an immediate case of swampass.
And you people are READING it on Friday the 13th as if its nothing.
Well, dipshit, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…
We’re all gonna die.
Look at the logic, for God’s sake.
There is ONLY ONE Friday the 13th this year, versus 3 last year.
This year has all of the power crammed into one day.
Think this is bullshit?
Anyone want to guess when the last year was that had only one Friday the 13th in it?
2001, the year of 9/11.
Now, I know that half of you are ready to get into the panic room I have been building to ride out this evil storm and the rest, morons really, are skeptical.
Anybody ever see the movie the Purge?
That is exactly what is going on.
Anarchy, blood in the streets, dogs and cats- living together. MASS HYSTERIA! (Name the movie and you get sprinkles.)
And the twisted part of it all is that I am forgoing my time honored tradition of huddling in the dark and crying like a little girl for the day.
I will be thumbing my nose at the beast and going hiking.
There is an excellent chance with will be the last blog ever written as I will be dead at the bottom of a cliff by 9am tomorrow, both legs broken and gang-raped by bigfoot and the chubacabra.
I was going to say that there are worse ways to die, but I can’t think of a worse way to die right now, that sounds pretty F-ing horrible.
But, I have been bitten pretty badly by the hiking bug and I am heading out every day off I have.
Like a healthy form of meth, I am pretty deep into the addiction.
It is better for your body than meth and you never have to blow anyone in an alley for a trail.
So I’ve got that going for me.
Turns out, that after a lifetime spent growing up in southern California, I suddenly found out there are amazing trails all over the place.
And it may be the cheapest hobby on the day to day.
Decent shoes are a must, along with something to hold water and food, hiking poles are nice, shade hat and sunglasses.
But you can piece it all together on the cheap and as long as you have the free time, you can go binge on your addiction all you like.
I will get sick of it eventually, but for right now, I am loving it.
But hiking on Friday the 13th has that extra edge of masochism to it that makes it pretty exciting.
I wonder what its like to die in a landslide?
Now THAT is scary.
Fuck it, I am staying home.
If anyone needs me, they will find me in my panic room, sipping coffee and crying like a little girl. (Possibly masturbating, but this is a don’t ask/don’t tell blog.)