Does anyone remember Dick Tracy?
For the millennial’s in the crowd, first off, congrats on being able to read, check you out! But, for those born after most cool stuff happened, let me do some age-splaining for you. (Age-splaining is when someone older and wiser takes time out of their busy blog post to condescendingly inform you of something that you don’t know because it isn’t on social media.)
Dick Tracy was a comic strip about a detective that came in the Sunday comics portion of the newspaper. (Made out of paper! OH THE HORROR!)
It syndicated to hundreds of newspapers nationwide for no reason I can fathom.
They even tried making a movie out of it in the 80’s with Warren Beatty and Madonna.
It was an unqualified piece of shit from beginning to end.
But from the comic strip to the movie, the one thing that stood out was the villains.
They were the laziest creations known to man.
They all had names based on physical attributes or actions.
There was one called “Redrum, the man without a face.” (He was a hitman, duh his name was murder spelled backwards. They drew him by just not drawing his face.)
One character they drew with a bunch of wrinkles and called him “Pruneface” (He looked shockingly like a scrotum. It was creepy
If you’re still reading this, I know the question you want to ask.
WHO GIVES A SHIT?
I do, and hears why.
There are 3 Dick Tracy villains in Starbucks right now.
I was sipping my morning addiction when I looked up and began laughing. It made me laugh loud, and it wasn’t even that funny. (Some of these are just for me.)
And here is the villains that made me laugh:
- Flat Top Jones. The Dick Tracy villain had a flat head and combed his hair out flat over it. Our Flat Top has a normal head, but an afro that he combed out flat. Its a freakish look that I have never seen before.
- Mumbles. You guessed it, he mumbles. So does the modern-day Starbucks version of Mumbles. Non-stop mumbling while staring at his laptop. I took the opportunity to look at coffee mugs for sale on the shelves behind him. He is watching semi obscene anime that borders on hentai. (Anime porn) No clue what he is mumbling. There is a creep factor that is off the charts at this point.
- Two face. The Dick Tracy version was a man with half his face mangled, the other half perfect. The Starbucks version is a Millennial that is on her cell phone, loudly defending the fact that she slept with her friend’s boyfriend and then told her about it because she “Couldn’t live with herself she was so guilty.”. Of course, that horrific guilt didn’t keep her legs together. Like an act of nature, she had no control over the act. In her mind, it is like blaming a hurricane for snapping your orange tree in half. My favorite line of her whole conversation was “Two-faced? How am I two-faced?” Good lord. (Ok, my Google research reveals that the Dick Tracy version of Two-Face was called Haf Haf. However, even the creator of the comic strip, Chester Gould, freely admitted that it was a straight rip off of the Batman villain.
Now, I realize that writing about a comic strip that started in 1931, I lost more than half of you from the get-go. I am fine with that.
This was more an odd stroll down memory lane for a comic strip that I may have never read at all.
But I might have to, now.