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Monthly Archives: December 2019

Anatomy of a pickup

The setting is almost as important as the seduction itself.

Your moves lose momentum in a shitty setting. 

For example, you spend an evening putting your moves on a desirable member of the opposite sex. (Or same, we are progressive here.)

Pick the perfect setting:

In a sports bar, with a group of friends to relax with, bumping soundtrack in the background to lighten the mood and a game on the giant screen to give that illusion of an important event.

That is a strong play.

Here is the opposite.

Her grandma died, you are a distant friend of the family, and decide that her grief stricken behavior gives you the green light.

If you hesitated longer than a second about which one was perfect, you really need to pay attention. (If it was the funeral you are either brutally ignorant or playing a darker game than most.)

While the previous two examples were just a test, it gives you a perspective to appreciate the awkwardness of the following.

Its a taphouse/grill/sportsbar setting.

Both parties have had a few drinks. 

It is a festive setting.

All the signs are there.

  1. She is doing the hair flip WITH the giggle. Everything he says is hysterical. (I can hear the conversation, it is NOT hysterical.)
  2. She is emphasizing sentences with a touch to his arm, he is responding with leaning in to touch her left shoulder and speak into her right ear. It is not that loud.
  3. He has his wallet out and keeping the alcohol flowing. She discretely told her cock-blocking wing woman to take the night off. (She didn’t say that, but its more fun than saying she mouthed the word “GO” to her friend.)

The scene is set for a romantic evening. 

If it goes on too long, they both run the risk of getting too drunk.

For him, that means that she may drift past horny and enter an emotional state where she just cries and talks about her ex.

For her, that means he exits perpetual hard on state and enters what is known as “whiskey dick”. It means that the alcohol robs him of his erection at gunpoint, demanding a ransom of sleep and will not return it until then. (Alcohol seems friendly, but it is NOT a friend.)

However, it doesn’t look like that will be a problem.

Even over the noise of the crowd, I clearly heard “Would you like to go?” along with her immediate head bob.

There is no game of “Go talk” or “Check out my friend’s party” or even the completely ridiculous, but shockingly successful “You should hear the new speakers in my car”. (That is pulling out of a pretty successful playbook right there.)

So they go. 

I wish them well.

He risked a lot of embarrassment if she shut him down loudly and publicly.

She risked a crapload more just because the biggest danger to her is, well, him.

You always hope they are having a fun and lively sexual romp for the evening and might even be the beginning of something for them.

Or she might have smelled chloroform for the first time and he is feeding her into the trunk at this moment. (He better hope her dad isn’t Liam Neesen. Because he doesn’t know who you are. He doesn’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you he doesn’t have money… but what he does have is a very particular set of skills. Over 10 years and that movie still rocks.)

So lets hope we see them having grand slam in the morning and talking about their second date.

(But just in case, I know somebody who claims they know Neesen’s publicist, thats a start..)

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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Judgement Day

Don’t judge.

In my own judgmental way, I try not to. 

It’s like that phrase, “Don’t hate.”

This is always said by people who judge and hate so much that, as a person, it defines them. 

These are the same people who also claim they can’t stand “Drama”.

This is because they exist in a hip deep pile of drama and drag that shit along with them.

And if you just thought “That’s not me”.

Yes it is, quit being a pussy and at least be honest with yourself, even if you can’t with everyone else.

And if you still can’t agree that this is how you live, what you need is what alcoholics call a “Moment of clarity”.

Here is the bonus for you.

Addicts need to hit rock bottom before they find their clarity. 

Emotional rock bottom is less messy on the outside and easier to hit. 

Inside you are a mess, but on the outside? You didn’t shit yourself, got yourself in a bar fight you really should have known better and (most of?) your relatives are still talking to you. (So you still get an invite to Thanksgiving.)

But how do you recognize if you are a broken train wreck.

Here is a HUGE indicator.

If someone has ever told you “That’s rude.” in response to something you just said, and your response is, “Truth hurts”.

Then you’re a bitch.

And that is not directed at any particular gender. (Guys have the capability to be much bigger bitches than the ladies.)

But there is hope. 

The silver lining in all of this is that salvation is just a short distance away.

Stop being a bitch. 

Simple phrase, complex concept, especially if you have been existing in a bubble of negativity for a decade or more. (Most have and its a pretty wretched place to be without realizing it.)

I can hear your denial from here.

And your accusations.

What about you?

Are you familiar with the phrase “Water off a duck’s back”?

It takes not caring to another level.

Take this test. 

Have you ever had someone tell you that you are an asshole?

How did that make you feel?

If you answered the question at all, you have no choice but to stop being a bitch.

It’s the difference between viewing it as judgement or observation/identification.

Like asking a frog his opinion of the water.

So here is the recipe for Shakubuku. (Buddhist term for the path of a happier nature.)

Shut the fuck up. 

That simple.

And while you are shutting up, start listening.

Not to words, those spew out of most people’s mouths at a rate consistent with the flow of a large sewage pipe.

But what do they mean?

This isn’t Avatar, but you need to make the bond. 

Phrasing, body posture, eyes respiration, all the basic skills of an FBI profiler go into truly listening to other people.

And only then, do you realize the truth.

Most of them don’t have anything to say.

The Caffeinated Humor Books – CLICK HERE

The PODCAST – CLICK HERE

 
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Posted by on December 1, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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