Perfume was invented by the ancient Egyptians.
They used it in religious ceremonies, burial preparations and daily use.
It is some of the most expensive liquid on the planet, ounce for ounce.
So, the modern usage for women is to lightly apply it.
So why do you need to know that?
Because I am under an aromatic assault.
Remember what I said about the modern usage?
Lightly being the key word there.
How the fuck that morphed into dipping yourself in a large wine barrel of perfume daily using some sort of repurposed sexual rope and pulley system is beyond me.
The term “Old French Whore” comes to mind.
Not to dabble in misogynistic slut shaming, but now I am wondering what kind of old French whore.
Not like a modern one that you know she could bathe more, but she has a meth issue that gets in the way of productive thought, but a French revolution era French whore that bathes once a year, has an opium dependency and is rocking that whole “Les Miserable” vibe.
My nose actually hurts, how is that possible?
Growing up, one of my grandmother’s friends was an Avon sales lady.
And while grandma loved her perfume, You could smell the Avon lady when she pulled up at the curb.
I think the outrage, and sinus pain, that I am feeling is that the woman sitting next to me is not from my grandmother’s era.
She appears to be in her 30’s.
Stunning Japanese women that have an obvious talent for dressing and accessorizing never go wrong with perfume.
It boggles the mind that a woman in stiletto heels would not realize she smells like Miss Redneck at the homecoming tractor pull.
I am attracted and repulsed.
Let me clarify that.
My mind is repulsed.
My penis is lacking a nose or any sort of restraint, he finds her wonderful and would like to wear her ass for a hat.
(I am sure I will pay for that last line somehow, Karma has been taking cheap shots lately.)
The ring on her left hand tells me there is a mister somewhere, working his ass off to afford her expensive shoes and barrels of cheap perfume.
I wonder if his lack of a sense of smell has held him back in life?
Or perhaps he was raised in the family business, hand cleaning septic tanks.
Maybe she is the trophy/fetish wife?
None of my business, although my penis is nosey-rosey today.
The second my coffee cooled to the point that I figured I was offending some coffee based diety by not drinking it, I fled the building.
It took a full five minutes of walking and breathing deeply to clear out.
In thru the mouth at first, out thru the nose, just to push the crap out, then breathing in thru the nose after awhile.
And then I smelled the perfume on my shirt.
And realized I was sporting a semi against my will.
Karma, you are a twisted fuck.