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At least wear a condom

04 Nov

There is something to be said for old school making out.

There is also something slightly uncomfortable about not being one of the makeout participants.

But there is something evil in the delight washing over me as I watch other non-participants being REALLY uncomfortable about the aforementioned making out.

There is a thirty-something couple that is sitting on the cushion seats at Starbucks, making out like they are cheating on someone.

There is no inappropriate touching going on, everyone is fully clothed, but I am beginning to suspect that either their lips are stitched together or he is performing some sort of dentistry on her with his tongue.

Table to their right is inhabited by every disapproving old lady you have ever met.

Old ladies come in pairs as a general rule.

Its a lot like a buddy system, one to talk trash, the other to nod their head.

And, from the looks of it, these two old biddies are just about to shit themselves.

On the other side of our amorous couple is the Creeps.

The Creeps are just staring.

Creep #1, we will call him Peeper, he likes to descretely peep out of the corner of his eye and pretend no one sees him looking.

Creep #2, we will call him Alpha Creep, doesn’t give a shit, he is just blatantly staring.

Alpha Creep has enough of a pervy creep vibe to him that he may start masturbating at any moment, and it would not shock me.

Getting back to our carnal customers.

We could call them Romeo and Juliet, but that seems a little too easy and over done.

So, Fred and Ginger are going at it like he is leaving for the war tomorrow.

I would say get a room, but they have two untouched cups of something in front of them, so they have technically paid the rent on the 2 spots on the cushions they currently inhabit.

I mean, if a homeless guy can buy a small coffee and sleep in a chair, then two fully clothed patrons who DON’T stink can dry hump on the table.

Plus, its kind of sweet.

I mean, making out as an art form seems to have been on the decline for the last decade.

And I don’t understand why?

I mean, done right, making out is one of the more erotic things two people can share.

And we all seem to forget that in pursuit of the infamous “Hook Up”.

Evidently, hook ups are happening left and right.

By the way, they still don’t have cures for STDs, but they are all on the rise.

Which is why the hook up is not something I can do.

Remember the movie Jaws?
I stopped going in the ocean because of that movie.

I am sure that I will become that rare statistic that will be eaten by a shark.

Same thing with STDs.

It would be just my luck to catch something and my shwantz would fall off and scurry away like a frightened snake.

Who needs that type of stress?

But, I am liking Fred and Ginger.

To be perfectly honest, they aren’t boring, they smell nice and I am not worried that they might attack in a drug fueled rage.

So I say, let them stay.

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4 Comments

Posted by on November 4, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

4 responses to “At least wear a condom

  1. LaDeanne

    November 4, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    AWE……Super Cute!!!! Is Love in the air???!!! LOL!! Happy Friday!!

     
    • bittermac

      November 5, 2016 at 10:58 am

      You are thinking of Spring. This is Fall. This is when you clean up the issues that Love being in the air causes.

       
  2. Stinky Wizzle (@stinkywizzletet)

    June 13, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    Holy shit. I am dumber from reading this. You go on to describe the old ladies and pervs in detail just to say making out is awesome, but never mentioning the old ladies and pervs again. Why mention them in the first place, or at least, why go into any detail about them. There is so much nonsense filler that I thought this was going to be an actual story. It seems as if a 12 year old with ADHD wrote this.

     
  3. bittermac

    June 23, 2017 at 8:48 am

    If you didn’t like it, you didn’t like it. Write your own. Let me know, I would love to read it. But at least edit your work. You do realize that almost each sentence of your comment uses the improper tense of at least one word. Criticizing is easy and anyone can do it. Show me how its done.

     

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