Here we are, where we have been so many times before.
Two young 20 somethings in line at Starbucks.
The black dresses are a little wrinkled, makeup has got some sloppy city miles on it, the hair has that look like they were fighting off the bottom on the couch for a half hour before they took that show into the bedroom and taught that hairstyle the meaning of the word respect.
But it is the 6 inch hooker heels at 8 am on a Sunday that says, loud and clear…
Walk of shame.
Time for our favorite sexist gameshow –
“Who’s the bigger hoe?”™
Our first contestant, lets call her Tammy. (A little too much mascara from the night before and she is channeling a Tammy Fay Baker vibe. Google that and click “Images” when you see the pic of her crying with WAY too much mascara, you get it.)
Tammy was a pretty blonde with stylish long blonde hair…. yesterday. Today, she looks like she has “Jersey hair” and may have been initiated into the Hell’s Angels a few hours ago. (You can Google that, but its filthy.)
Tammy has a tattoo of the Chinese character for bread on the back of her neck. (I Googled that one myself.)
And she keeps talking about someone name Naldo. Lets assume that is who her stylist is this morning.
And now its time to meet our other contestant, Babs.
Babs is slightly older, and I am being generous here.
If I had to call it and I was being honest, I would have to say that Tammy probably dated Babs son at some point. When they broke up, Babs decided to finally become one of the popular kids and began hoeing around with her son’s ex.
To call her a peroxide blonde with fake tits is an insult to honest sluts everywhere.
She is trying way too hard and it shows.
So, after having missed out on the swimsuit competition, (And who doesn’t love a love in a bikini?) we move on to the talent portion of the show.
Tammy’s talent appears to be texting and it looks like she is good at it. The high point of her performance was when she looked up at Babs and talked for about a minute and never stopped texting the entire time.
It was impressive.
And now its Babs turn.
Babs talent is her core skill.
“What was Naldo’s friend’s name? He’s young enough to be my son!”
No shame, no morals, no brains, no headaches.
We have a runaway winner, it wasn’t even close.
Like a young Brando, she nailed it (And Naldo’s nameless friend) coming thru the door.
Impressive, and sad.
And I hope Naldo’s friend has health care, because the parting gift is an STD.
(I can only imagine the hate mail being generated as we speak. Sad thing is, I kind of agree with it, this is pretty vile, even for me. Unless of course, Babs is your mother, then that hoe is your problem, not mine.)