Declaration of innocence.
It seems that someone done forgot the Crow Commandments.
That line from the Wiz (Starring a yet to be indicted Michael Jackson) was the beginning of an amazing scene in a musical.
But it also could be a gentle reminder to sit still while someone explains the rules to you……AGAIN.
First of all, I am more innocent than most.
Think of the first snow of Winter, pure and delightful, and incredible.
I am all up in that kind of innocence.
Because to understand true innocence you have to understand the opposite end of the spectrum.
The further down one side you go, the further you can go down both sides.
So, having the ability to be stunningly vile is what enables me to be that fucking sweet and innocent.
Like a cuddly puppy that just might go for your throat at any moment.
But he is just so damned CUTE!
A pit bull with a spiked collar and a pink hair bow. (The imagery on that one is disturbing)
A test reader has proclaimed that the previous line might mean I am a little “sweet in the pants”, if that line makes sense.
Being metro-sexual is all part of my vegan-carnivore superiority.
Not everyone can handle that, and thats ok.
In the hierarchy of raw intelligence, the world needs ditch diggers too. (I respect that, but sit down kiddies, the adults are talking.)
Vegetarians cannot understand how I could be a better vegetarian than them, while still eating a diet that is based almost entirely on eating meat. (You can try to chew on the hypocrisy in that line, but take small bites and chew it well before you swallow. You will still choke but at least you made the effort.)
I had to stop writing for a moment to allow my erection to subside.
Brilliance is a goddam sexy thing to behold.
And this is the IMAX viewing.
Now, where was I?
Ah yes, my innocent nature.
Think of the blog as a deep method of intense meditation.
The more you read, the more you will find yourself growing as a person and an asshole.
A natural evolution that is totally based on Intelligent Design.
Homo-sapian to Homo-superior.
Or maybe Homo-sphincter.
(I take offense at the suggestion that the previous line is a smack at the gay community. The gays LOVE me. If you doubt that, wait till Tranny-Hooker makes an appearance. That girl will knock you on your ass, then you will be sorry!)
Yes, its crude. Yes, its childish.
But its an honest attempt to do something without pretense or facade.
Just the sincere attempt to be ridiculous.
And I think I succeeded.
The seriousness of the world we live in can chew you up and swallow you. (Spitting you out would be too kind for society. Pound of flesh is now a part of the Bill of Rights)
So, on the front lines of the battle between originality and soul-killing conformity is me, sporting a semi, sarcastic and loaded for bear.
If you feel like it, pull the stick out of your ass for an hour and lets stomp on the terra like Gods.
And if not? Short and simple,
Bite me. You’re boring.