Today is Christmas.
And the day starts early.
I was raised in a family where the family businesses were a transmission repair and a burger place.
So, you either became a mechanic or a short order cook.
And while I can do more under the hood of a car than most, I am a shit mechanic.
Short order cook it is.
And here is why this has anything to do with Christmas morning.
I cook breakfast.
For all my bitter faults and shitty bully instincts, I am the shit with a skillet.
Breakfast is one of those special meals of the day.
Everybody likes breakfast and those that don’t are suspect in my book.
Hitler, Dahmer and Manson never ate/eat breakfast, thats a fact.
And all three were either vegetarians or vegans, so draw your own conclusions.
Bacon, breakfast is all about bacon.
Its kind of the linchpin that holds it all together.
Breakfast without bacon is just eggs without a purpose.
Bacon is what you add to other foods to make them better.
I have roughly 4 pounds of bacon to cook.
It is a heady thing to have a shit load of bacon within arms reach.
Its kind of like having a real pig without having to feed and care for it, just keep it refrigerated.
There was a movement on Facebook by Paul McCartney awhile back that was called Glass Walls, or something like that.
The whole thing was hinged on the idea that the only reason people eat meat is that they do not realize that the pig had to be slaughtered in order to get the bacon.
It turns out, that not only did that not matter to people, but they may have started eating more bacon because of it.
For every Glass Walls Facebook page that you saw, 3-4 Bacon support pages popped up.
But, even with my love of Bacon, I have gone vegetarian, almost vegan.
Except for the meat, cannot give up charred animal flesh no matter what I do.
There is a joy in this world that comes to my heart in a purely vicious way when I announce that I am vegetarian to other vegetarians.
And then I proclaim my love of meat and dislike of vegetables.
You drop that line and then wait.
You can see it in their eyes, percolating.
The gears are clearly turning as they try to process the information, the concept, of the meat eating vegetarian.
But that delay is not their fault, their brain is underfed and weak.
In the end, they usually just shake their heads and wander off.
The lack of rage inducing testosterone in their system makes them non-confontational.
So the carnivores just run rough-shod, rampaging across the land.
As God intended.