I am not sure how much more I can take.
Everyone has been acting all week like this is no big deal.
Like I have not been in danger of shitting myself at any moment.
Friday the 13th, like its nothing to worry about.
Here is a fact:
- 18 years ago, on FRIDAY THE 13TH, I broke a toe on the doorjam of my kitchen.
- 22 years ago, on FRIDAY THE 13TH, I not only walked into a spider web, but I inadvertently swallowed a spider. (Pucker factor alone made me throw up a little in my mouth just now.)
- In the last 30 years, the following job-ending activities have happened within a few days of FRIDAY THE 13TH: 2 layoffs, 1 boss died, 1 fire and the accidental killing of the boss’s wife’s cat by my own negligence. Lotta negative shit here, people.
Now that you have a little back story, you can see the clear connection to a random number on the calendar and how it will be directly responsible for my oddly suspicious death.
So feel free to tempt fate and wander around today while death tries to fit you onto its schedule later today.
I will be hiding under the bed with my coffee and numchucks.
What I don’t get is that people wander around like everything is fine.
Would I be under the bed if everything was alright? Of course not.
Which reminds me, I need to sweep under the bed.
But I think we have all forgotten the fact that the FEAR of bad things happening on Friday the 13th is founded on scientific principles, proven as fact again and again.
I read that on a website on the INTERNET, so you know it’s true.
The only thing that would make it more true is if someone posted it on Facebook, the you know its a fact.
And there are those that choose to be ignorant and belittle those of us with the experience and wisdom to see the foul karmic shit storm today poses. Let them stew in their silly denial of the truth, then cry like slow children when fate takes a shit on them.
Me? Safe under the bed, highly caffeinated and heavily armed.
Outside? Zombie holocaust. Or something. I wouldn’t know, really. Not gonna look. Its horrible, whatever it is.
But, if the fates are kind, it won’t be too bad.
I gotta go to work tomorrow.