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600 is a lot of anything.

30 Oct

“Into the valley of death, wrote the 600”

Lord Tennyson would shit himself in his grave if he read that, he was never a fan of paraphrasing.

So why the arguably dumb paraphrase?

Because the number is 600.

Since starting this vulgar little blog over 4 and a half years ago, with this post, I have now written 600 posts.

That is a LOT of public mental masturbation in print.

I am not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.

Its an accomplishment, but so was 2 girls – 1 cup and that was nothing to be proud of either. (Side note. Despite all of my references to that film over the years, I have never actually seen it, till recently. I am damaged because of it, no bullshit. You go to hell for things like that, even if you are atheist.)

I mentioned this little milestone to someone who has never read the blog before, and they asked an interesting question.

What the hell have you written about for 600 times?

Good question, so I did some research, basically, I read the blog, something from every month, from the beginning till now.

God, I am a fucking genius.

Once my erection subsided, I began to see a few recurring things.

  1. People are horrible to each other and their environment. Caligula had a better command of common courtesy than most of modern man.
  2. The only thing people mistreat more than each other and their environment is themselves. There are people that treat themselves like a split personality that is half crack hoe/half angry pimp. And someone has a beating coming.
  3. My views of the world vary wildly from an almost a sociopathic emotional conscious to a Christ-like benevolence. (Take a moment for that one to sink in. I’ll wait. I know, its a disturbing sentence.)
  4. I have some sort of thing about the homeless. (It has been argued that I both care deeply about them, yet view them as pets. Both are true. However, I view most people as pets and toys to be messed with.)

In a nutshell, thats it. Its an emotionally damaged nutshell, but you take what you can get these days.

As far as blogs go, this is closer to the movie Max Headroom than anything else. Random thoughts and odd sound bites that exist for no reason other than to upset the dumb and stimulate the few intellects that seem to get it. And TRUST me, you fuckers are few and far between.

The one thing missing from the “Recurring things” list is caffeine,

Ah, caffeine, what can I say?

Its the founder of the feast, as it were.

Without it, I am grumpy, mean and don’t like to write.

With it, I am grumpy, mean, and like to write.

As far as addictions go, its a mellow one.

Like a pimp that doesn’t leave visible bruises, the concern is appreciated.

Coffee is the most polite form of caffeine addiction, to be seen at church socials and fine restaurants.

Red bull is like shooting up in a dirty alley.

Both accomplish the same thing, but at least coffee allows you to keep lying about it not being an addiction.

But at its worst, you are just risking insomnia and being irritable.

You are never in danger of having to perform oral sex on your dealer just to get your fix.

And that is a pretty big difference.

So, just to bring things to a close, I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who has ever read the blog, whether you liked it or hated it.

Without you, this is just a sad rambling to the universe.

Like a literary tree falling in the woods with no one to hear it.

So, in a rare show of gratitude…

Thank you all.

Sincerely, bite me.

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Posted by on October 30, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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