I have told a long time fan of the blog that if she ever wrote a post, I would put it on the site. Well, she did it. I will publish mine on Monday. I have forced her to pick a pen name. Enjoy…
Do as I say, not as I do – by Anastasia Beaverhausen
The devil herself: Kim Davis, ladies and gentlemen. A boil on the ass of hypocrisy. That fugli skank just bitch-slapped America and erased years of progressive movement for LGBT rights. Makes me rethink our electoral system: If we can vote in favor of same-sex marriage, and legalized marijuana, and also elect self-righteous county clerks into position, then how do we have a prayer of confidently moving into the end of the 2010 decade with a new leader of the free world? Oh, did I say prayer? Forgive me. Oh, forgive isn’t PC, either. Screw it.
Even the Pope is cutting edge, and demanding change. Embrace it or not, he has the balls to do something. It may not be a functioning, procreative sac, but Pope Francis has got it going on.
Ms. Davis hides her fat Lauren Ashley floral print jumper-wearing ass behind her bible, which I’m certain has never had her beady little eyes laid upon even one scripture verse. “Behold! I am a 4-time married ho that hasn’t the faintest idea of anything in the real world except for what I’ve been brainwashed into thinking and believing”.
Kim Davis needs a makeover both physically and mentally. I’m sick of her ugly face showing up on the news feeds, spewing her diatribes to America. Who the fuck does she think she is? It’s not like she won by a landslide – she barely got elected! Clearly this wasn’t a beauty contest. Actually, I prefer she makes Margaret Thatcher look like a Victorias Secret model: I would have to kill myself if I found myself even remotely attracted to Kim “get a life” Davis.
She promised and swore to uphold the constitution of the USA, but refused to follow the law? Well, let her tell it to Officer Krupke. I’m sure he’ll understand. Of course, this gives us all free license to weasel out of any ticket if we’re pulled over. If Kim Davis can refuse to uphold the law, why should we? Good lord – should we be thanking her for showing us the way to a lawless society?
Smack! I’m OK now – had to slap myself back to reality. She must be hypnotizing Americans into her self-proclaimed righteous way of thinking. Good think I (and all of you) have our wits about us.
I wish I was in jail with her: I’d show her a thing or two about obeying and submitting – two of my favorite terms in the bible. I’d even let her wear her pastel turtleneck sweaters while I spilled my seed. Those conservative bible-belt gals are really just begging to have their beliefs challenged. They don’t call it “in the biblical sense” for nothing.
Thank God she hasn’t procreated. There I go again: using religious lingo. At least I have a soapbox to stand on: I almost went in the seminary. This qualifies me to tell you to tell Kim to fuck off. Just do it. Tell her.
Do as I say.