The setting is this.
Starbucks. Morning. Saturday. Insomnia. Coffee. Mmmmm. Few people. Guy on phone. Talking too loud. I am sitting too close. GO.
Here is what I have figured out so far.
He is talking to someone on the phone. Has to be a woman and based on a comment about “When we were kids.” I am guessing its his sister.
He is divorced. Its a Saturday, he is alone and not working on a “Honey-do” list. Also, there is no wedding ring, but perhaps a dent in his ring finger from a ring in the past.
Plus there is that single guy confusion rather than that married guy “certainty of being just plain fucked” aura to him.
And it seems that he has run into an impasse with a woman he is dating.
Evidently, he screwed things up last night and has called his sister to get her perspective on his mistakes.
He has yet to sleep with said woman he is dating yet.
But, they have discussed it.
She has mentioned being good at blowjobs. (Odds are she never said this. She said something that he interpreted as concerning blowjobs.)
He, surprise surprise here, likes a good bj. (You and every other swinging dick out there, buddy.)
Don’t start groaning yet, we all know its coming, but don’t get ahead of the story.
So, he got her a rather expensive jacket, and gave it to her a few days before Christmas.
So, deer in the headlights, no gift to give him back, she indicated that she hadn’t gotten him anything yet.
So he suggested a blowjob.
The stupid peeps out there are wondering what is wrong with this.
There are a number of ways to take this, and none of them are good.
The nicest way I can think of is that he gave her dick for Christmas, wrapped in a jacket.
And you want to save the paper on that one.
The worst way is that he called her an old school whore.
I have yet to make this particular mistake, not sure how I missed that.
I never intend to make mistakes, but I have a problem with running my mouth.
And, if you ramble long enough, just about anything is capable of coming out of your mouth.
I have been dealing with this for so long, that when everything goes wrong, I tend to just laugh.
And that never helps.
Nothing takes a pissed off woman and shoves her rage thru the freaking rafters than laughing when she’s pissed.
But this guy has an innocent stupidity to him that is almost endearing.
I mean, he’s giving away dick for Christmas, and she is at the head of the line.
She should feel good that he holds her in such high esteem.
And she could be at the front of that line or the back. Count your blessings.
Seems like a win-win, right?
All of a sudden he and I both being divorced makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it?
Remember, always save the paper, no matter what its wrapped around.