Picture this in your head.
Picture the woman that says the following phrase.
“Finish your coffee, I’m gonna go push out a gang of tootsie rolls and then we’ll roll.”
What is the image in your head?
More specifically, what does the trailer park she lives in look like?
Is Walmart involved?
Now, here is the reality.
Mid-40’s, attractive brunette.
High end business suit, hair styled by someone that probably costs a fortune.
Mercedes smart key on the keychain.
iPhone 6 sitting on the table.
This is a high end business woman.
With the communication skills of a foul mouthed teenager before curse words come into play.
It really ruins the overall desirability of the rather expensively hot look she has put together.
For the mind, that is.
The penis could care less if she shit herself, he is still up for play time.
Very one track mind, the penis.
The woman disturbed me for a few minutes mainly because she didn’t fit the niche I had carved out for her in my head.
In my head, she was a sophisticated, flirty, wholly desirable business woman in an age range that is totally at her peak, physically and sexually.
And then, my mind made the correction and put her in the niche she belongs in, and all was better.
And now her phrasing made sense.
Salesman have a relationship with the spoken word much like a john with a Bangkok hooker.
Use it to do things you should be ashamed of, for money.
Sales is the type of profession that kind of removes your filters when you are not speaking to a client.
You have to be very controlled in not only what you say to a client, but also, how you say it.
When that is no longer required, the kid gloves come off.
I was a salesman for about 10 years, and this blog reminds me a lot of my mouth during that period.
Not a lot of filtering going on.
But back to the situation at hand.
My disappointment is huge.
I hate having my semi ruined mid-lust. (Anyone but me get this one?)
Eventually the hot, potty mouthed business woman returns from her presumed tootsie roll dropping, and they leave.
And the whole thing has left me slightly twisted.
I spend a lot of my time slightly twisted as it is, so when I hit something that shoves me further down that road against my will, it ruins my equilibrium.
Even coffee is not helping.
That alone tells you how disconcerting this is, because coffee usually fixes EVERYTHING.
I was so upset, I got another vente house drip.
And if you follow the news, you know that Starbucks house drip has the highest caffeine content of any national coffee house.
A vente cup has roughly 415mg of caffeine.
I have had 2 in the span of an hour.
There is a legal limit of 250mg of caffeine per hour in the state of California. (I could be wrong)
So, having ingested 830mg puts me over 3 times the legal limit.
Which explains my attraction to the hot, yet dirty, businesswoman.
I no longer question what goes on when I am under the influence.
This comes from years of morning after examinations.
At least with caffeine, you will never wake up with indelible marker writing on your face.
And sadly, with caffeine, you will never wake up after a black out evening to find yourself in bed with a hot businesswoman, dirty mouth or not.