There is a distance of separation between being injured and being healthy when it comes to enjoying life.
I am currently swimming around in the injured section of the pool.
I am also unemployed.
Unemployed and injured has a tensing pucker factor of 8.5 to the casual observer.
But it feels worse.
Mainly because one of my tension release methods is judo.
I have been doing it more than a year, so I am still a beginner.
But, with a pretty decently sprained ankle, I can’t even do that.
And I am still unemployed.
Being unemployed is like there being a continual fart in the room.
You can’t ignore it, and, although you try your best to put the stench in the back of your head, it never completely goes away.
The unemployment issue looks like it will be solved shortly.
I am not afraid that I won’t find another job.
I have been working since I was 10 years old, and I was looking for a job when I found my last one.
Its my irrational fear of the unknown that is the issue.
Fear of the unknown takes the absolute certainty I have that I will find a new job soon and convinces me that I will be a homeless crackhead inside of 6 months, performing sex act in alleys to get my next fix.
It lies to me, it says things only an adult child would understand, it convinces me that my sprain is actually a hideous break and I will never actually fight in a Judo tournament. (This is one of my goals. Went to a tournament today and practically shit myself with excitement. I HAVE to do this.)
So, I have to land a job soon, before I go stir crazy, and then I need to resist the urge to push my ankle to go back to Judo before it is healed.
And I have never been good at waiting.
On the other hand, I am seriously becoming a badass superhero on the online game I am playing during my off moments, of which I have a whole lot of right now.
The fun of playing even the best, most addictive MMO online is balanced out by the voice of responsibility in the back of my head, continually telling me what a waste of time it is.
I realize how pathetic this whole whiny rant sounds, believe me, it bugs me too.
I am a lot better when I am working.
I come from solid immigrant stock, my whole psyche flows better when I am working regularly.
And all of this will solve itself in time.
But waiting sucks, it really does.