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If it weren’t for hockey.

03 Mar

Rain has come to Southern California.

You would think it was a plague of frogs, judging by the over reactions of some people.

Its just water, for Christ’s sake.

Here is a verbatim conversation from the table next to me.

“Look at that.”

“Dude.”

“Man, how am I gonna get home?”

“Dude.”

“Thats not safe!”

“Dude.”

The participants in this little exchange are late teens to early twenties, totally lending credibility to my theory that pretty much everyone in that age range are functionally ‘tarded. (Don’t email me, I mean it in the good way.)

And, just judging from the hip, both of these boy’s Kush cards are up to date and probably well worn.

But, hey, no brains, no headaches.

Back to the subject at hand.

Water.

Its about as basic nature as it gets.

But people like these two still freak out.

And the sad thing is, its not even raining too hard.

This is one of the side effects of living in Southern California.

The ground may shake every now and then, but you can still go surfing afterwards.

But let the skies weep a little bit and half of the local indigenous population will shit themselves.

Could be worse, I’m just not sure how.

I lived in Portland, Oregon for a few years, and they are the exact opposite.

It rains roughly 9 months out of the year, so you are always a little soggy.

You don’t even notice it after awhile.

That is how you know a tourist in Portland, they are the only ones carrying umbrellas.

But, a little after my 3rd month of moving in, there was a 2.6 earthquake, really rare.

Within 30 seconds of a shaker so weak you could barely feel it, my neighbors were out in the middle of the street, some in their pajamas.

There was some talk of the need to hoard canned goods and drink toilet water.

I think everyplace has something that the locals will freak out about.

Its in human nature to pick out something that rarely happens and then treat it like the terrifying first time every time it happens.

Gotta wonder how this started.

Probably in Canada somewhere.

And I only say that because, in the grand scheme of things, the Canadians are the guilty red-headed stepchild of North America who’s only redeeming contribution to the world is the great sport of hockey and Wayne Gretzky.

I am sure the Canadians started the trend of fear that now plagues the world.

Some Canuck ran into something unusual and freaked out. Something that you rarely see in Canada, like a bar of soap or a job, then all hell broke loose.

(I love smacking Canada, they’re such victims.)

All kidding aside, its the frightful superstition that really shapes our traditions.

Most holidays are based on them.

Would we have Halloween without someone, somewhere, being scared shitless about something the Canadians had done? (Did you really think I was done with that?)

Fear is a great motivator in life, don’t discount it.

Fear can be a better motivator than sex.

In that period immediately after you finally get sex of any sort, you can be afraid of something.

Hell, depending on who you had sex with, you could be afraid of what your new found friend might have given you.

(Better hope she’s not Canadian.)

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2 Comments

Posted by on March 3, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

2 responses to “If it weren’t for hockey.

  1. Carol Y

    March 3, 2014 at 11:37 am

    Nice! You managed to thump Canadians, teens, ‘tards, Portlanders and SoCals in the same bit. Different variety of targets this time. Good post.

     
  2. bittermac

    March 3, 2014 at 11:43 am

    I try to spread the love, when I can.

     

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