There comes a point in every man’s life where he has to take a second and figure out if he is a douche or not.
Some of you are wrinkling your nose right now and your lips are compressed into a disapproving line.
But, I have given it several minutes of thought and rewritten that line 3 times before I arrived at douche.
It fits and its funny (To me), therefore, its what we in the business call Golden.
To be a douche or not a douche, that is the question.
And a good one at that.
There are two young men sitting at the next table who are pondering that very issue.
They are not phrasing it that way, but that is the question.
Here is what they are deciding:
One of them is selling what sounds like a crappy car to a friend of his.
And the guy at the table, who sounds like a friend of the other guy who is buying the car, wants to buy the same car.
To them, it may be a simple thing. Just sell it to the friend at the table, instead of the other guy. Simple.
Here is where the douche thing comes in.
This is a part of those formative years, where a man finds out about what kind of man his is going to be, step by step, and this is one of those steps.
You may think this is minor, but what is at stake is this guys word, and how it will be viewed by himself and those around him for the rest of his life.
If you squint your eyes and take the blurry view, this is an epic scene of the formation of morality going on at the next table.
Of course if you take the straight on, clear as day view of this, its two punk kids conspiring to burn some jagoff they know.
View it how you will.
There is always the chance that this will mean nothing in the long run.
Maybe. Maybe not. However, for the sake of the blog, lets say it does.
Depending on what this unwashed weasel decides to do, could set in motion a whole series of events that will last until he is dead and buried.
If I were just to judge by the slack look on his face, the friend that is not here is about to get screwed out of a car.
This could lead to a hostile situation at school, turns out the burned car buyer has a huge cousin that goes to the same school. Big kid, a little slow, love cats and has a talent for beating the shit out of people.
So the car seller starts ditching school to avoid the looming ass whooping that is waiting for him at the hands of the modern day Lenny. (Steinbeck)
And that leads to his being expelled for excessive absences. His parents will find out too late to do anything.
He goes to work at some no name burger joint near downtown, because that is the only place that will hire him without the HS diploma.
It pays minimum wage, but the assistant manager always has good weed, so it works out.
His big brake comes when the cashier is deported and he gets to move up, but on the same night, the assistant manager tells him how he can make big money, driving a van back from Mexico.
By the time he gets out of prison, he is 40 years old. (That speech was stolen wholesale from John Cusak in The Sure Thing. Well worth the plagiarism.)
And, his partner in crime is going to be the little dipshit at the table with him right now.
And their drug of choice for all of these little misadventures?
Meth heads, natures little clowns.