RSS

Fantasy football and masturbation.

30 Sep

Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.

Fantasy Football.

At the end of every season, I swear I will never play again.

And then, like a retirement notice from Brett Favre, I rescind it five minutes later.

Its the ads, the commercials, its like a hooker flashing her tits at you, you can’t resist.

(Get the feeling I lost half of my audience there. Ok, I will curb the hooker talk.)

Whats the harm? I say the same thing to myself every year, like an Alzheimer’s patient that has never gone dome this road before.

And every year, by mid-season, I regret it.

I didn’t even get thru the forth game of the season before I am throwing in the towel and giving it up for good.

And the reason lies in two locations.

San Francisco and Denver.

The Quarterback of San Francisco, is the main quarterback of my team.

I will not be mentioning his name, kind of like you don’t mention the devil’s name for fear you draw his wrath.

But he is a world class QB, or at least he is when he is not on my team.

He was great the first game of the season, and has sucked ass the last two weeks.

So I benched him.

He had a sub par game, and my backup had much better game.

So everything should be great, right?

Wrong.

Enter Payton Manning, quarterback of Denver and is a solid FUCKING shoe in for a first round vote into the Football Hall of Fame.

I would be in a winning position but, after 3 quarters of football, Payton has thrown for over 300 yards and 4 touchdowns.

Its like consensual date rape. I agreed to it, but its rougher than I expected.

Either way, my ass hurts.

At the beginning of the season, I could see myself in the Fantasy Super Bowl, winning a little cash or prize on the side.

Now? I am a sports addiction cautionary tale.

Nothing sadder than a man at the bottom of the pile.

And the really shitty part is, I know better.

But, football is much like coffee.

Its an addictive drug, but its an excepted one.

Thats the tough part.

You are not going to generate any sympathy when you say you have an issue with something people consider to be harmless.

Its a lot like how women see masturbation.

Take it or leave it.

Right.

Every man out there has dealt with the voracious appetite of his penis at one time or another.

And, no, you can’t just walk away from it.

One of these days, I will explain it to you, but if you don’t get it from the start, its going to take a long time to explain.

On to better subjects.

Fantasy Hockey starts soon, and I have a really good feeling about this year.

Get the blog delivered to your Kindle —>Bittermac.com Blog
Get the book —> Bittermac.com Caffeinated Humor Volume 1

Advertisements
 
4 Comments

Posted by on September 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Fantasy football and masturbation.

  1. thirdnews

    September 30, 2013 at 5:27 am

    It’s a sin

    -I mean football

     
    • bittermac

      September 30, 2013 at 7:45 am

      Just a little Venial one, is that so bad?

       
      • thirdnews

        September 30, 2013 at 8:06 am

        Your aby is to give up coffee, or read my blog -you pick 😉

         
      • bittermac

        September 30, 2013 at 8:08 am

        Bastard! Fine, since the coffee thing is NOT going to happen, I will head on over.

         

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s