You people have no taste.

23 Sep

There are some mornings that start out rough, get worse, and finally turn into a Greek tragedy, the final minute before the death star blows up and the ending to Old Yeller.

Starbucks is closed.

There is a hand written sign on the door that says something about “Maintenance issues” blah blah blah.

Bottom line is, they are closed.

How the hell does this happen?

Caffeine is a drug, don’t they realize that?

In the morning, I am 10 minutes away from knocking on doors to demand java.

Home invasion for a pot of Columbian.

Besides, what “Maintenance issue” is a big enough deal to shut down the whole place?

I am willing to wade thru backed up sewage for my morning fix.

That leaves 3 unpleasant alternatives.

1. Peet’s Coffee. Can never quite put my finger on what’s wrong with their coffee, but its wrong. (Like that slow cousin you NEVER leave alone with the kids kind of wrong.)

2. Noah’s Bagels. Not a coffee place, and it shows. Coffee is put into coffee urns. Always lukewarm and has a faint “Just been teabagged” flavor.

3. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. The coffee place for people who’s taste buds are just to old to taste much anymore, or younger folks who are just a little too slow to recognize crap beans. Also, the clientele average about 85 years old. On any given day, there are at least 4 oxygen tanks and 3 little dogs.

Reluctantly, like a man agreeing to an IRS settlement, I head to the coffee bean.

And, wonder of wonders, it sucks.

First off, I end up ordering a large Costa Rica.

I know from experience that I hate Costa Rican.

However, the other choice is a dark Ghana roast that sucks worst and something called NY Snickers. (I swear, the flavored coffee crowd are like children.)

I believe I read somewhere online that Coffee Bean both supports whaling and child molestation. (My mind is frustrated to the point that this could be true or absolute BS, I have no way of knowing.)

Pains me to give them the money.

The old man at the table next to me just noisily shit his adult diaper.

Par for the course at the Coffee Bean.

I realize that there are those that like this place, even claiming that the coffee is the best available.

But, some people like snuff films, too.


I made the mistake of posting this on FB.

Just a casual mention of the Starbucks being closed and my reluctant choking down of the Costa Rican swill.

And like a Brook Trout going after the bait, the Coffee Bean folks looked up from their various vile activities and attacked.

You would think I had talked smack about Michael Jackson at the funeral from the half-tarded indignant screeching that went on.

After awhile, it became a almost fun to taunt them.

Then it just made me feel like the class bully, slapping the defenseless little kids.

Fun for a few minutes, then just sad.

Starbucks had better be open on Monday.

I don’t think the Coffee Bean crowd will be able to breath after this blog.

And, if you are one of those sad CB fanatics and this offends you in any way?


Bite me.


Posted by on September 23, 2013 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “You people have no taste.

  1. Angela

    November 10, 2013 at 12:03 am

    You are right. Coffee bean sucks. Their flavors (I do like vanilla lattes) are some kind of powder, I’ve heard. Ick!
    Oh, by the way, you used the word “worst” when you should have use “worse”. You’re welcome!

    • bittermac

      November 10, 2013 at 12:14 am

      Welcome assumes that I appreciate the correction. As odd as it sounds, I don’t care.


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