Beware of my car.

20 Aug

I love lazy Sundays.

There is such absolutely unwatchable crap on television, it boggles the mind.

My bad show is interrupted by an emergency broadcast.

Thunderstorm and flash flood warning.

Oh my.

Time to assess the situation, so I head outside.

Not a cloud in the sky.

Mid 80’s, blue sky.

You never know, however.

So I head into the pantry to take stock of my canned goods supply.

I have 2 cases of bottled water, so I feel my hydration will not suffer.

If at all possible, you want to avoid being forced to drink your own piss should all hell break loose.

Canned goods are a different story.

Chili and corn, in quantity.

Evidently, I went to Costco a few months back and they caught my eye.

The refrigerator is a little more grim.

Two packages of questionable bacon that went out of code 2 weeks ago.

The chili and corn are about 50% likely to give you the shits while the bacon has a 3 out of 4 shot of giving you uncontrolled quacker shits for a prolonged period. (And while the quacker shits are never enough to kill you, your rectum will pray for death before you are through.)

I am iffy on any of those odds from the get go.

Perhaps I should go shopping.

Although, judging from the condition of my pantry, this is not an area I excel in.


It is now a full day after I wrote that last part.

I was going to finish it this morning and post it immediately, but life interrupted.

I usually head in to Starbucks an hour or so before I have to be at work.

Plenty of time to write and post.

However, when I put my key in the ignition and gave it a turn?

Click, click, click, click.


However, several months back, in a fit of maturity, I renewed my AAA.

The guy showed up in 10 minutes.

My battery went out.

Luckily, I know how to read the diagnostic machine they hook to the battery.

It was toast.

The guy had the right battery for an ok price, plus he put it in for free.

So, its night now, my writing time this morning having been spent on car maintenance.

AAA is the shit.

I love the idea of having someone come bail me out “whenever”.

It’s less than a $100 a year and its less likely to bail on you late night than your drunken wingman.

Same principle as why I will never purchase a care that runs on cannabis. (Google it, its out there.)

I would never buy it because I have friends that run on cannabis and the reliability factor is pretty shaky.

I can almost see the warning light on the dash that blinks and says “Dude! I flaked!”

No thanks.

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Posted by on August 20, 2013 in Uncategorized


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