There is a bit of an art to publicly shitting yourself.
I don’t mean literally shitting, running down your legs type shit, but that glorious no clue type making a cosmic ass of yourself type shitting.
In this case, the shitter is a lovely woman in a mumu standing in line at Walmart.
Why I am here is none of your concern, consider it to be enough of a need that I am here.
Mumu lady has 4 kids, an empty checking account and a case of BO that is not helping anyone.
She has so far slid her card thru the slot 3 times and had the cashier do it twice.
Each decline is met with a string of profanity that is as creative as it was obscene.
I began taking notes on my phone halfway thru, so here is the highlights:
1. She called the cashier the C-word. (Twice.)
2. She called the manager the N-word. (He appears to be Indian.)
3. She has referred to her children as, “You little bastards” several times. (Not sure what they did. They seem oblivious to her anger. And, given her general sloppiness as a human being, Bastard might be an accurate term.)
There is a morbidly obese security guard standing by to rachet up the tension level.
Mumu lady has yet to include him in on the obscenity assaults.
But its only a matter of time.
She had just jumped into calling the guy standing behind her in line a cocksucker when the police arrived.
Mumu woman has just hit a volume I had not thought she was capable of.
Laughing out loud made her pause in the middle of beginning to yell at the police and have her spin and tell me to go fuck myself.
Well that is hardly polite.
The cops appear to have experience with mumu type people.
In short order, they get her and the “Little Bastards” and shuttle them off to the side.
They could have taken her a block away and we all still could have heard her, she was that loud.
The problem seems to revolve around her “Ma check been put in” on Friday and those mofo’s not putting it in until Monday.
“And those Fuckers know it!”
Evidently, and I could definitly be wrong here, Walmart can charge her account and the bank will approve it and let it slid until Monday.
But Walmart is being sticky about it, what a bunch of dicks.
Evidently, the modern banking world has yet to lighten up and become more flexible.
They don’t understand the economics of “Ma check.”
Neither do the police by the way.
Or maybe it was when Mumu woman put her hands on the cop that things went wrong.
Cops can definitely be dicks, but don’t touch them, kind of their unwritten rule.
In the end, Mumu woman sat in the back of the cop car for 20 minutes until a nondescript sedan pulled up and a nice lady took possession of the “Little Bastards”.
Since she knew them by name, I am getting the feeling that this is not the first time Mumu lady has had a run in with the cops.
So off to jail she goes.
And the kids will be shuttled back and forth thru out their childhood between Mumu woman and foster homes.
And then, they will get mumu’s of their own, and begin receiving “Ma check”.
God help us all.
It is a dark little reality.
Bitter, almost, don’t you think?