Served at the bar.

08 Apr

The anatomy of a bar pickup.

She is the unsuspecting prey.

Why she is unsuspecting is anyones guess.

If I were a woman, I would be on guard from the moment that I stepped into the building.

But, that is because I am a guy and I am privy to the evil that lurks inside the male head.

Trust me, ladies, its not pretty.

You think you know about 10% of the depravity, guess about another 10% and don’t even suspect the remaining 80% that would turn your hair white and make you an advocate of male genocide.

So its just better off you just don’t know.

Back to the bar.

Despite all of the warnings in the news, this girl is oblivious to the fact that she is the prey in this little wildlife setting.

Thy say roofies have a faint cinnamon flavor, by the way.

And I am not saying that this guy is that kind of scumbag, but the odds are not in her favor.

She is going for it, all the signs are there.

Lots of eye contact.

She touches his hand when she speaks.

She laughs outrageously at anything that comes out of his mouth.

Hair flip, WITH A GIGGLE.

Its practically a done deal.

And the guy, despite appearing to be mister smoothie, has all the earmarks of being that guy that will screw up every relationship she has for the rest of her life.

It is kind of an ugly talent to have, the ability to see the worst in people, at its core a negative thing.

But you play the hand you are dealt.

At least the guy has a job, or a soon to be maxed out credit card, because the drinks are flowing.

Shots are lined up.

You can almost see the conflict in the waitress.

She knows the score and obviously wants to say something, but she is a dealer of sorts, peddling a legal drug, and she knows with a certainty that the drunker he gets, the bigger her tip has to be.

And money makes the monkey dance.

(That remains one of my favorite phrases from a blog of the past. It was said by an elected official involved in a sting operation. Yes, he went to jail.)

Its kind of an ugly little soap opera that is held live every night in bars thru out the country.

And the math is pretty straightforward.

A 5’6, 120lbs girl drinking shots of Jaegermeister, 1 every 10 minutes for an hour equals one drunk blond.

Sitting next to her with one hand on her knee and the other one fingering his wallet to make sure the circle of the condom is there, is a 6 foot, 200lbs man that can hold his alcohol.

And then, fate intervenes.

The waitress, the disapproving one? has been tottering around on 3 inch heels all night.

As she makes her way down the semi crowded aisle, just as she is passing the “Table of seduction”, a woman accidentally steps out in front of her, hip checking her into the table.

Each and every drink on her tray ends up on the guy.

It is an epic waitressing fail.

He is humiliated and his prey is now eyeing him with a look of disdain.

The waitress produces a towel and a lot of apologies.

The prey is spooked and makes a comment about her friend needing some help and bolts, leaving the guy stinking of a vile mix of alcohol and a bar tab for his trouble.

He pays off his tab and slinks out of the bar like a pedophile that just made parole.

All from one mistake.

The waitress watches him go.

And then she high fives the girl that bumped her.

Well played, ladies.

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Posted by on April 8, 2013 in Uncategorized


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