Sponge Bob

15 Jan

My shorts are uncomfortable.

There is a story here, bear with me.

I hate doing laundry.

I do my laundry, don’t get me wrong.

Cleanliness is important.

I just don’t like doing it.

And this is where Sponge Bob comes in.

10 years ago, for Father’s Day, one of my kids gave me a pair of Sponge Bob Square Pants boxer shorts.

They are gaudy, loud, and totally unsightly.

They also itch, so I am never thrilled to be wearing them.

I have them on now.

I didn’t do my laundry.

Sponge Bob usually lives at the bottom of the underwear drawer.

And I am almost always good at making sure there is other clean underwear on top of him, hiding him, if you will.

And this morning?

Sponge Bob was looking up at me.


So I am writing while my spin cycle is going on.

And there it is.

However, for as long as I have hated doing laundry, laundry at least, has gotten a little easier.

Enter the detergent pod.

Detergent and fabric softener in one easy, throw it in and close the lid.

And the coffee is ridiculously hot.

The coffee maker began scalding the coffee about a month ago.

It has an issue that most people would view as broken, and replace it.

I love it.

I like to think I am at my best when I am nursing a raw spot on my tongue.

Don’t judge, its mean.

Besides, as far as weird vices go, this is pretty vanilla.

Search the internet for less than 5 minutes on any given day and you will find a terrifying array of personal issues that really are freakish in nature.

Once again, I am a freaking saint in comparison.

Its like watching Jerry Springer and feeling better about yourself because you are not even close to those freaks on the screen.

Unless of course you are a secret Transexual and your partner of 10 years doesn’t know, then your shit out of luck.

That one is not made up, it was just on.

The Jerry Springer show is like eating at Denny’s at 3am.

You never planned on it, but here you are.

Kind of a suddenly erupting “Live in the moment”, type thing.

The point of this post is not Jerry Springer.

He is just a part of the story, like the troll under the bridge, threatening to eat you for some vague reason.

He is just an element of this cautionary tale of inner happiness.

(I have laughed myself silly for the last 5 minutes over that last line. If you don’t get it, you might be a little slow, and thats ok, we all love you.)


Posted by on January 15, 2013 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “Sponge Bob

  1. CR

    January 15, 2013 at 11:52 am

    I know that you have a Kureg pod type coffee maker. There is a teperature setting on it. Your cleaning lady probably jacked it up. Reset the temp. Also – Spongebob boxers are supposed to used as pajamas – not underwear. Figure it out dude. Real men go commando when the laundry is not done.

  2. KC

    January 16, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    I see someone has been reading 50 Shades of Grey…


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