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The dreaded new year.

03 Jan
Aloha.
I have it on good authority from a Hawaiian goddess I know that the word is a friendly greeting that means both hello and goodbye.
Seems kind of appropriate seeing how its a new year and all.
I was looking back over the blogs I wrote in 2012 and, WOW, am I good.
I love my writing.
However, not everyone is a fan.
I am still getting hatemail for a blog I wrote awhile back.
Some people just can’t take a joke.
Ok, ok. In their defense, it was my mistake.
You don’t pick a fight with someone who doesn’t have their hands up, a sucker punch is considered bad form, even in a blog.
Moving on.
The new year is here and its looking pretty bleak.
The economy sucks and doesn’t look like its going to get any better.
We have just been saddled with a whole bunch of new taxes.
I have seen more gentle prison rapes.
Or heard of them at least.
For the record, I have never been in any sort of jail other than a holding cell.
So my rectal region is unsullied, as it were.
I have hopes for this year, but I need a few things to break my way.
So everybody cross those fingers and pull the pins out of the voodoo dolls that look short and vaguely Irish.
I have always wondered if that sort of thing works.
However, being Catholic, (Alter boy for an entire afternoon, WORD) I am not allowed to experiment.
The rules are pretty clear on this one.
No making zombies, either.
Voodoo is the only religion on the planet that actively believes in making zombies.
Awesome.
And before you cluck your tongue at how ignorant the Voodoo peeps are, consider the fact that everyone in the world that is not Mayan developed a wild case of anxiety driven swam ass because the Mayan calendar ran out of room.
Kind of puts it in a new perspective, doesn’t it?
I got a text earlier from someone who’s phone number I don’t know, wishing me Happy New Year.
When I asked who it was, they said guess.
So I have been showing my ass, text style for the last hour and the whole thing just finished with a final you’re an asshole.
How rude. Some peoples kids, I tell you.
Where was I?
The answer to that is all over the map.
And before I close this, let me address the newest soft-headed Facebook fad.
The “Good Memory” jar.
Here is the gist of it.
Write down something awesome about your day, every day for a year.
365 scraps of absolute shit, scribbled down, and placed in  an old pickle jar.
And even if you actually do it, which I doubt, what will you have?
365 scraps of boredom that smells like garlic and dill. (And sometime moldy ass, depending on the age of the jar.)
I am willing to bet that absolutely no one will do this faithfully, for the entire year.
And if you do, don’t call me.
With only a few exceptions of really good friends, I don’t care about other people’s lives.
Can you tell there is no caffeine in my system?
It will be a tough year, lets hope for the best.
As a general rule lets keep to the same rules as boxing.
Keep your hands up and defend yourself at all times.
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1 Comment

Posted by on January 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

One response to “The dreaded new year.

  1. KC

    January 4, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!

     

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