Retarded Vampires

13 Dec

The vampires are holding court at Starbucks.

Funny line, now let me explain why its cruel.

I am standing in line at Starbucks, and I happen to notice 3 ladies sitting at one of the small rounds near the cream and sugar kiosk

One of them I have rippped apart in the blog before.

These women are the epitome of what I like to call the MMF. (Manhattan Money Frau. A financially well to do woman who has no real use in life other than to take yoga classes and spend money.)

Its kind of a mean title to slap on someone, but I have yet to regret naming them so.

Anyway, the woman in question is the grandmother who has had about as much plastic surgery as Joan Rivers and is convinced she is a piece of ass.

Tight shorts, low slung tops, make up done in that “Slut ho of the living dead” style that frightens more that attracts.

And, much to my cruel to delight, she likes to have her lips plumped once a month.

Thats right, Duck lips.

And she is sitting at a table of like-surgery minded ladies.

And they all have duck lips.

I am not sure if this is a coordinated thing or just luck of the draw.

But what should be funny is actually kind of chilling.

There is not a lot left on these ladies that is still real.

Its like they are undead.

But what kind?

(Sidebar. This is the kind of shit that runs thru my head in the space from the front door as I enter till I cross the 10 feet to the line. I am at peace with it.)

They have been feeding off of whoever has been paying the bills for all this shit for all these years, so vampires is the first thing that comes to mind.

Also, they have that skin tone that tells me that they either self tan or sleep during the day on a tanning bed.

Tanning bed types usually avoid actual sunlight.

Vampires it is.

By now, I am giggling to myself and on my way to the cream and sugar kiosk with my coffee.

And thats when I heard it.

“If the economy gets any worse, we may have to sell one of the houses. The thought of being destitute makes me ill.”

I hadn’t realized she was retarded.

Don’t get up in arms, it fits in this situation.

Three points:

  • Having to sell “One of the houses.” does not make you destitute. Not having ANY house makes you destitute.
  • Cutting back on your various surgeries could probably by a small summer home in Boca.
  • Saying that with a duck lipped slur to your voice really cranks up the tard quality factor.


The next few minutes was an odd time warp period of time as all the MMF’s added their examples of hard luck stories.

But they were just as bad as the first lady’s example.

Well monied with no clue.

Not often you run into this, but its stunning when you do.

Now, a quick disclaimer.

If you find yourself offended by the word Retard because you have one in the family.

You don’t.

What you have is a mentally challenged member of the family.

But these vampires are retarded.

See the difference?

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Posted by on December 13, 2012 in Uncategorized


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