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Why I may be a vampire.

28 Nov

There is a certain sick, can’t look away, thrill to ripping off a bandaid.

Its not a masochistic type of thing, but more of a “Get the hell off of ME!” type thing.

But the only problem is, if I get a cut on my leg, I am hairy enough that ripping the bandaid off becomes an unexpected waxing.

Which hurts a lot more and ends up looking like a hairy catapillar.

Thats a disturbing little mental picture, by the way.

I don’t get cut a lot, I am more of a bruise man.

Like a peach.

I am white, perhaps a shade this side of translucent.

I don’t really tan, I believe that trait has been bred out of me.

I am descended on one side from Irish coal miners, a pale people who rarely saw the sun.

So the whole tanning thing is not just difficult, but an impossibility.

Burning is so much easier for some of us.

And yet, I know a few people that freak out at the thought of a sun burn.

When I was a kid, I used to get sunburned on purpose.

Just so I could peel.

From the age of about 5 to 13 I was always just a few layers away from being just exposed muscle, bone and chubby little kid fat.

However, the skin cancer nazi’s put the fear in me over the years.

So not more going into direct sunlight if I can avoid it.

Kind of like a vampire, but by choice.

And without all the cool parts.

Saw the final chapter of the Twilight Saga.

Not bad, if you like the series.

There is a guy that reads the blog on occasion that howled like a cat in cold water when I wrote a blog post about the first Twilight movie.

Said I was writing about stuff nobody wanted to hear about.

And I fell in love with the amount of pissing and moaning that went on.

So I figured I would relive that little thrill.

This is for you, Ed.

Breaking Dawn Part 2 is actually one of the better films of the series.

Lots of hot vampires, loads of action, the bad guys are bad and the good guys good.

And Dakota Fanning is killed, horribly. (Spoiler alert!)

I was never really on Team Edward or Team Jacob.

I am not sure who came up with that concept of the teams.

And if it was a guy, I am certain he is not allowed within a 100 yards of a school.

I saw way too many grown men camping out to see the film.

Surrounded by teenage girls and giggling their creepy giggle.

So they are either into Edward, Jacob, or teenage girls.

No matter what their interest is, they are just creepy.

I mean, you expect that kind of behavior from a teenage girl.

But, in the end, the movie did what they wanted it to.

Which is make a lot of money.

And if that shocks you, what were you expecting?

If they wanted to educate you, they would make a movie about fine literature.

Instead of the next crap to be troweled up.

And they call it “50 shades of grey”

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Posted by on November 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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