What looks like the flu, feels like the flu, does the vile things to you that the flu does, but is not the flu?
However, I have it, whatever in the hell it is.
It has begun to clear up after only 2 days, so it can’t be the flu.
I got this from a friend who oddly enough is both a doctor, but is a worse germaphobe than Howie Mandel.
So bad that he refused to let me come over for a diagnosis.
But all the fun symptoms were present and accounted for.
Nausea, yup. Managed not to vomited but really wanted to a few times.
Fever spikes, yup. Nothing better than not moving and breaking into a cold sweat and freezing to death for hours at a time.
Sleep, yup. 10 hours of sleep a night and several naps a day and still freaking exhausted.
Being an insomniac, I noted rather ironically that I had gotten more sleep in the last 2 days than in the last 2 weeks, and I am still tired.
The shits, OH HELLS YES! I will not go into too much detail other than to say that if I ever meet the person who invented Preparation H wipes, I will kiss them on the lips, man or woman.
Its Sunday afternoon and I am feeling somewhat normal for the first time since Thanksgiving eve.
I managed to break into a sweat at the table during dinner and thought it had to be the wine.
I had also thought I could maybe blame this on some quick food poisoning.
It would have been the perfect crime, my cousin cooked, she could take the fall.
No go, I am the only one that got sick.
So that left me with two days of both feeling like shit and trying to puzzle out if I had not wiped/washed sufficiently at some point in the last few days preceding.
Sorry, when I get sick, I like to have someone to blame other than myself.
Misery loves company.
Bullshit, misery loves to blame someone.
But enough about that.
Here are my top three cures for various things.
Cold – Mucinex D and a saline sinus flush. Given to me by my doctor. This is the only thing that works consistently. (Dr. Monkey Boy. Yes, there is a story behind that.)
Flu – Theraflu and Nyquil. Theraflu because it is hot and liquid and may actually work. Spike it with whiskey, honey and Nyquil for a toddy that will knock you out for some much needed rest. (Also, do not forget the Preparation H wipes. Don’t ask, just thank me.)
Insomnia – Begin writing a blog. This doesn’t help you sleep, but you at least feel like you aren’t wasting your time.
What it all boils down to is that being sick sucks, in a big way.
But, sometimes, you can’t avoid it.
So don’t BS yourself and deny you are sick, get the proper meds and hunker down for the fight.
And be sure to blame someone.