Halloween involves a sluttier version of real.

01 Nov

Halloween is an odd time of the year, yes for the kids, but it is an especially odd time for the adults that are not into Halloween.

For the kids, the chaos has been anticipated, looked forward to, and is confusing, yet a lot of fun.

Confusing, because their parents spend all year telling them no, you can’t have anymore candy and don’t talk to strangers.

And then Halloween comes around and suddenly they are being escorted by their parents to the houses of total strangers, forced to repeat a ritual phrase, and then take candy from them.

So much candy, that they have a special bag just to hold it all.

Talk about confusing.

And the adults that are into Halloween are a different breed of cat.

Kind of a crazy cat that comes in two flavors.

The first is the hot girl that uses Halloween as an excuse to dress up in a severely slutty outfit.

These are the harmless Halloween practitioners that are a lot of fun to have around.

Think of them as incredibly decorative furniture that you get to sleep with.

They kind of live on E and cigarettes.

The funny thing is, they will all claim they don’t smoke, just when they drink.

That means you smoke, dumbass.

Never cared for smoke of any sort.

The second type of adult Halloween practitioner is the hard core.

The hard core take Halloween more serious than a 5 year old with a severe sugar jones.

The outside of their houses and the front lawn is combination of a big budget horror film and the final episode of the season of CSI.

This is the type of person who’s greatest day would be if the zombie holocaust were to actually happen.

They usually spend hundreds on their costume.

I have never been to a fitting for a costume in my life.

In fact the only fitting I have ever been to was for the tuxedo I got married in.

But not these people.

They have put months into their costume, gone to multiple fittings and, for some costumes, practiced their “Moves.”

(I personally watched an extreme Halloween friend practice his “Captain Jack Sparrow” walk and talk for about one hour.)

Had I not been drinking, and been the designated driver that night, I would have opted not to go.

(And the sentence above is a story for another time. In a nutshell, I couldn’t let him drive drunk, he sucks at it.)

And going to parties with these people can be one of the greatest night ever and one of the most embarrassing crappy nights ever, often at the same time.

It all depends on the company.

Heres the thing, extreme Halloweeners are dialed into the parties with the hot girls with the ultra slutty outfits.

There is something awesome about having a conversation with a group of ladies, comprised of slutty librarians, slutty nurses, and, of  course, slutty Catholic school girls.

You had me at hello.

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Posted by on November 1, 2012 in Uncategorized


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