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No, you can’t sing.

25 Oct

Karaoke is considered cruel and unusual punishment in some countries.

Amnesty International may have a file on this.

But it truly is a cruel thing to watch someone humiliate themselves publicly all for the sake of the base entertainment of the crowd.

Ancient Rome made gladiators fight to the death for the same reason.

What makes people do this?

Jaeger bombs.

It is not just a “Lucky accident” that the drink specials crank up several notches on karaoke night.

Drunk equals karaoke magic.

There is no other way to get a thoroughly untalented housefrau from the burbs to belt out a teeth grinding version of Patsy Kline without enough alcohol to knock out a corps of marines on leave.

But it happens nightly, if you follow the circuit.

Karaoke is an odd phenomenon brought to us by the Japanese.

But keep in mind, these are the same people who brought us 2 girls 1 cup.

I include that just to put it all in the right perspective.

Top 5 Karaoke songs of the night:

  • Baby got back, by Sir Mix a lot. (5 times? Are you shitting me?)
  • My way, by Frank Sinatra. (The man is dead, let it go for God’s sake.)
  • Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen. (Also dead, but still an incredible song.)
  • Dancing Queen, by Abba. (Seriously, they are not dead. And that is a damn shame.)
  • Satisfaction, by the Rolling Stones. (Mick Jagger can barely pull this shit off. The fact that he has been making it happen for almost 50 years is damned near unbelievable.)

I have no singing ability, this is a known thing.

And yet, here I am.

I am not sure who Lady Antebellum is, but I am somehow involved in singing a duet.

This is so wrong.

Damn you Jaeger bombs.

For those outside the know, a Jaeger bomb is a shot of cough syrup with a higher alcohol content, dropped into a glass of beer.

The beer cuts the harshness off of the Jaegermeister, and kind of makes you drink it a lot faster.

That means two drinks consumed faster than one drink.

Recipe of disaster.

Disaster equals karaoke.

How bad is Jaegermeister? There is a funny commercial that shows a guy sitting on a bloody bed spread with pieces of a body behind him and a garter belt hanging out of his mouth.

“Did I eat a stripper?” He asks as a Jeigermeister logo fades into view above.

“Jaeger”

That is a fairly accurate commercial, sick as it is.

But people seem so happy when they do it.

So do meth heads, by the way.

So maybe karaoke is a way to indulge a really stupid part of your brain, without the risk of jail time or losing your teeth.

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4 Comments

Posted by on October 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

4 responses to “No, you can’t sing.

  1. kg

    October 25, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Honestly…this one has me loling so hard the people in the offices nxt to me are thinking i’m insane!!! I can jst relate ohhhh so well!!
    Thanks for starting my day w/a smile!!! 😀

     
    • Bittermac

      October 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

      Just doing my job.
      Thanks. Like it on Facebook if you can.

       
  2. KS

    October 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I, too, was laughing at this! Wish I had been there and sorry I missed it!! Sounds like you had a great time!

     
    • Bittermac

      October 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

      It was fun. (Don’t quote me)

       

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