Here I come to save the day!

22 Oct

I believe that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.

Whitney Houston sang that and made it a household phrase.

The sentiment is a solid one, but Houston did overdose, so her common sense was a little suspect.

Or at least her sense of self preservation.

But kids are kind of an important thing, in the long run.

Kind of the whole reason we are here.

And why am I mentioning this?

Because Roy is an asshole.

I am on a mini vacation, kind of.

I got the hell out of town and fled to the apple orchards, more of less my fresh fruit happy place.

A picnic in the middle of an apple orchard isn’t heaven, but its in the same zip code.

And this is where I first saw Roy.

20-something, good looking, baby papoose strapped to his chest with a blanket over it.

We will assume for now that there is a baby under the blanket, otherwise it seems kind of creepy.

Surrounding Roy, is his rather frantic wife and 4 screaming kids.

Anyway Roy and the clan are in the wrong area.

If you want to go into the orchards, you have to pay and get a hand stamp.

Roy and the rest of the unwashed had no hand stamps.

Rules are rules, don’t like it, start the Occupy Orchard movement.

Roaming the orchard, seemingly at random, are the orchard rangers, here to serve and protect.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but you all can’t be here without a hand stamp. You will have to leave.”

Professional, straight forward, slightly bitchy in that official manner.

The classic part of this whole thing is Roy’s reply.

He is holding the baby papoose with his arms underneath, bouncing the papoose in a soothing manner.

And here is his reply.

“Fuck off, we’re just looking.”


What an awesome learning moment for Roy’s kids, two of whom are standing right next to him.

They must be proud.

The ranger asks again for Roy and his gang to leave and Roy begin’s a little dancing, mimicking her voice like a little kid bullying a smaller kid.

And then another Ranger comes up and asks them to leave.

Roy seems to slid into his rude little niche of being a total ass to complete strangers.

It isn’t until the ranger supervisor comes up that Roy straightens out and flies right.

And denies everything that has happened for the last 5 minutes.

In the end, the supervisor allowed them to come into the picnic area and eat.

Based on what I know about management, the rangers and the supervisor, who all went into the ranger shack, are writing up their reports.

There is a good chance that the rangers will get reprimanded, because Roy is a denying shit and the supervisor didn’t witness.

I am a good samaritan on occasion.

Today is one of those days.

I head into the shack.

The supervisor is friendly, but when I mention Roy, she gets serious and closes the door to the back room.

She thanks me for vouching for the rangers, but there will likely be a reprimand for them.

However, the video quality and audio pick up for the Iphone 4S is fairly awesome.

And the freeze frame on Roy sticking his middle finger into the ranger’s face was clear as a bell when I froze the frame.

No reprimands today, pal.

I am a fricking super hero.


Posted by on October 22, 2012 in Uncategorized


6 responses to “Here I come to save the day!

  1. Picnic and a Movie

    October 22, 2012 at 7:02 am

    I kept having a deja vu moment when I saw Roy teasing the Rangers. It finally hit me. It was that scene from The Wedding Singer when Glenn Guglia is teasing Robbie Hart. Roy used the same tone and shook his butt in the same way as Glenn. That was so unbelievable to witness in real life.

    • Bittermac

      October 22, 2012 at 8:18 am

      It was an epic moment in childish parenting history.

  2. Rockstar

    October 22, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Nicely done! We had a mouthy woman on Radiator Springs yesterday. They were sent to number 6, so they’d be in the back of the car, but then decided they didn’t want to be, so of course, they just switched to 5. Which screws up the line. We were sent to 5 and 6, but held back, the Cast Member came to see what was wrong, and told her to step back, that she needed to tell her beforehand that they didn’t want the back. Mouthy proceeded to mouth off– “YOU didn’t ask, you need to have a SIGN saying that, I’m going to talk to your manager…” All in front of her kid, and she would NOT shut up.

    Fortunately, when she got off, she left. We watched for her, because if it came down to it, I was going to vouch for the CM, who was kind and polite, and did her job as if Walt were watching.

    • Bittermac

      October 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

      I blame you. If you would have tasered her at the very beginning, it all would have worked out.

  3. Carol Y

    October 23, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Bottoms of totem poles everywhere thank you.

    • Bittermac

      October 24, 2012 at 8:15 am

      What the hell does that mean? It sounds positive, but I am paranoid to start with.


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