The candidates for president have my home number.
With the election so close, now is the time that we enter into the annoying period of time where, no matter what party you cleave to, they all annoy you.
It starts off really innocently.
The phone rings.
Caller ID says blocked.
I have a few friends that don’t realize that it a REALLY DUMB AND RUDE thing to have your phone set to that, so I answer.
The voice on the other end sounds like the voice over for a kiddie porn film.
It oozes and drips a kind of filth you can’t wash off.
“Candidate #1 wants to kill your wife and ship your job out of the country.”
The memory alone is upsetting.
The next day, the phone rings again.
And, like an Alzheimer’s patient, as if I have never set myself up for this before, I answer.
And there he is again, I’ll never forget that voice.
But he has switched sides.
“Candidate #2 hates America, God, and hand guns.”
There is a scene from a movie called Ace Ventura that has a scene that parodies another film called the Crying Game that comes to mind. (This is like fourth hand info, most likely wrong.)
A hetero soldier finds out that he has had sex with a woman who turns out to be a man.
And he freaks a bit and ends up burning his clothes in the trash can, naked crouched in the shower crying.
This is kind of where these phone calls leave me, crouched in a mental shower somewhere in the back of my mind, crying and watching my clothes burn. (Trust me, the shit I keep locked away back there is unsafe.)
This is the new era of politics.
Everyone is slimy and dirty and accuses the other side of being worse.
Its not simply disagreement, the other side HAS to be stupid, ignorant and dangerous.
There is no spirit of “We are all in this together.”
And everyone does it, without exception.
I almost have a little more respect for Charles Manson, and heres why.
He doesn’t pretend to be good.
He is old school, bat shit crazy, evil on a stick and doesn’t apologize for it.
There is a purity to his game.
Geraldo Rivera interviewed Manson back in 1988.
It was a LONG, crazy ramble from beginning to end.
If memory serves, Manson said he was running for president and always would be.
I say, let him out.
If anything, he might bring the parties together against a common foe.
That would be interesting to watch and refreshing at the least.
And, yes, there is always the chance that he would be up to his old tricks, which since he has been away for so long, are now new tricks.
Please understand, I don’t want him to win.
And, if thru some freak combination of voter fraud and freak vote revolution, he actually wins?
Someone has to put a bullet thru his head during the inauguration.
Like the final moments of a demented Julius Ceasar.
And, hopefully, that will be some sort of political “Come to Jesus” moment that will bring the parties back together.
And then we can get some shit done.
JUST LIKE THE BLOG ON FACEBOOK, FOR GOD’S SAKE!