Carmageddon is coming to Los Angeles.
And we’re all gonna die.
Carmageddon, for those whose televisions have been broken for the last few weeks, is the temporary closing of the 405 freeway at the Sepulveda pass in Los Angeles.
Its to fix an overpass.
And it may be the end of all we hold dear.
At least, that is what the news claims, anyway.
Talk about trying to crank up the hysteria for the ratings.
I was watching the coverage this morning and I don’t think I have ever seen a bunch with such a hard on for hopeful misery this weekend.
At least not since last time they did this.
That was last year.
And they cranked up the hysteria like nobodies business.
Businesses were going to close, uninformed people were going to be stranded, the elderly were going to be denied desperately needed medicine, ALL HELL WAS GOING TO BREAK LOOSE!
And then a funny thing happened.
Zip, goose egg.
People hardly noticed.
The news stuck their feet as deep in the shit as they could and then tried to act like they didn’t.
I can still smell the stink and it been a year?
The question mark is on the previous sentence because it was such a non-event I can’t even remember when the first one happened.
But that is kind of the new’s job, to get us cranked up about shit we wouldn’t even care about unless they told us.
Now before you trot out that ONE person actually affected by the first one, consider this:
This is LA, someone is ALWAYS being inconvenienced and, seriously, nobody gives a shit.
New York is well known for their “I don’t give a shit about you” attitude.
California is the overwhelming sleeper winner of this contest.
Its not even close.
California is just a real laid back about it.
But the “Fuck you” is there, implied and understood.
There is not a city in this country that cares less about you.
I don’t count Washington DC, mainly because the government is not a city, I think of it as a voracious beast ready to tear out your throat without warning. (Story for another time.)
Back to LA.
LA gets a bad rap anyway.
You can go to any other part of the country, and not only do they have weaker nightlife and a lot less variety, but their natural disasters are worse.
When I was in the Army, my group was typical, from all over.
One night, we got to talking about natural disasters.
One guy from Oklahoma said that there was not one uncle, cousin, no one that had not had their house NOT destroyed by a tornado at one time or another.
And yet, they still live there.
Another guy from Mississippi said that while he was growing up, their house was washed away by the Mississippi river 3 times.
AND THEY KEEP REBUILDING!
Here is the weird part.
When I mentioned Los Angeles, with its better weather, hotter women, and lack of tornados and Mississippi river, everyone said without fail that they would never move to LA because they don’t want to die in an earthquake.
Now, I have lived in Los Angeles my entire life, and I have worked up a grand total of $1.50 in earthquake damage.
I didn’t get it then and I don’t get it now.
We’ll all be dead by Monday, anyway.
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