Jurassic Starbucks

26 Sep

The dinosaurs ruled the earth for a hell of a long time.

I saw something on National Geographic channel that helped put it all into perspective.

If you think about the amount of time that man has been on the planet and how long the dinosaurs were on the planet, think of it like a 24 hour period.

The dinosaurs ruled for 23 hours 59 minutes and 45 seconds.

Man has been around for that last 15 seconds.

That is a hell of a long amount of time for the dinosaurs.

And what does all of this have to do with coffee and modern day?

The tyrannosaurus have invaded Starbucks.

Ok, so they are not real ones, but close enough.

There are two little old ladies sitting at my preferred round table.

Ancient, these little biddies look to be in their 80’s, and not an “Aging well” 80’s neither.

But the whole reason I named them the tyrannosaurus is because they hold their arms up at shoulder height, with their elbows in tight.

Just like the dinosaurs mentioned above.

Also, and this may be what fixated them in my mind, is that, right at the exact moment I was standing in line and looked over at them, the couple ahead of me began discussing Jurassic Park.

And, like a shitty song that gets locked into your head, to replay over and over again, the name came to me.

Along with a slight giggling fit.

The line is moving and my inability to stop laughing is getting worse.

And this isn’t even that funny.

“What’s so funny Will?”

The cashier is looking at me with his head canted to the side like a dog that heard an odd noise.

I discretely point over at the old ladies, then mimic the dinosaur arms and say one word to him.


He chuckles softly the whole time he is getting my coffee.

As I am cream and sugaring, I find myself watching the Tyrannosaurus closely.

Other than the arms and their age, there is absolutely nothing remarkable about them.

I sit down at the table next to them and begin surfing the net.

And then I see it, edge of my peripheral vision.

The cashier is whispering to the barrista, and pointing.

At the little old biddies.

Snickering breaks out from behind the barrista station.

I begin to watch this unfold with growing alarm as more employees begin to cluster behind the station to find out what is so funny.

So there is an outbreak of coffee prairie dogs, popping their heads up to peak.

And this is seriously not that funny.

But that isn’t slowing this down.

A few inquisitive customers are now being whispered to at the pick up counter.

What the hell?

Its like a virus, spreading out of control.

The two people at the cream and sugar kiosk both look over their shoulders at the old ladies and stifle their laughs.

And then, just as confusingly as it started, its over.

Like the whole room just collectively realized it was not funny.

Gonna be a long day.




Posted by on September 26, 2012 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “Jurassic Starbucks

  1. Beach Mom

    September 28, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Having joined you for coffee in the past I could visualize the scene. I didn’t stop laughing the whole time I read it. I had to stop to wipe the tears from my eyes.

    • Bittermac

      September 28, 2012 at 7:10 pm

      It was one of those mornings. You should join me more often.


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